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Wednesday, August 31, 2005
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The Truth |
| There are lots of people out there who are reading this blog and don't know the entire story behind what's happening between me and Kay. The situation is not what you'd expect and some people might actually start to think that Kay is a bad person. That's the last thing I want to happen, she doesn't deserve that. I love her, no matter what her choice will be. So here's the lowdown of what's really happening. That night when we were talking by the pool in November, Kay still had a boyfriend. During that time he was in Japan with his band. He was gone around a month and for that whole stretch of time, didn't contact her. This was more or less what happened all the time between them. That's where I came in, for the past few years, I would be her cactus, listening to her and giving advice. That night beside the pool, I couldn't take it anymore and let her know how I felt. That I'd never let anything like that happen to her if she was with me. That I couldn't stand sitting there watching her get hurt anymore. So, I got my chance to prove it, knowing full well that she was still in love with the other guy. During that time, I did my best to always be there for her, to try and give her the love that I felt she deserved. Maybe along the way she fell in love with me too, maybe not. What was important to me was that she'd be happy. If one day she'd love me more than I knew she loved him, then I felt things might have a happy ending. Some time in late February, he came back to Bacolod. If I had a blog back then, odds are that we'd have a posting flurry similar to this one. I was a real mess back then, but then I was blessed enough that she stayed with me. So I thought my ordeal was over, but deep inside there was always that fear that he might resurface. For the moment though, he was off to Manila. For the first time in a long time, I was happy again. Kay is such a wonderful person and brings so much out of me, so I tried to be the same for her. We'd argue a few times, but no other major problems really arose. However I could always feel the underlying presence of the other guy. It was quite obvious that she was still not over him. So skip to present day, and that's the situation I face now. She went to Manila to go talk to him. I hope no one judges Kay for what's happening, I took a risk back then and this is what happens when you take risks. I love her, always will. No matter what. I just hope she'll be happy. listening to: My Chemical Romance - The Ghost of You |
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Waiting in Vain? |
| Ok, the paranoia has totally overcome me. What if she's really not coming back? What if she just decided to run off? What if she doesn't love me? Everything feels so wrong. It's as if hope is withering away and is being replaced with a deep emptiness in my soul. It just hurts so bad. It feels like my heart is going to explode. My breath is shallow and ragged. What did I do to deserve this? God, what more do you want from me? listening to: the beating of my heart. |
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Trying to be Productive |
| I don't know how many people really give a shit, but I've been working on a layout for this blog. It's rather simple right now and still doesn't have a banner for the top, but heck, in my opinion it's coming along quite nicely. Please leave a comment on the design. If you don't want to, then don't. =p Constructive criticism only, please. |
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Emotional Lottery |
| She knows I love her, that I'd always love her and take care of her, but would it be enough for her to stay? Kay is in Manila, taking time off from our relationship in order to evaluate what her true feelings are for me. Of course, there are several other factors involved, but I really don't want to go into it right now. It might further add to my depression. Those who are already familiar with my situation, well, let's just say that the biggest problem in our relationship hasn't been taken care of yet. I thought it was over with, but I thought wrong. I've been trying to keep a positive outlook, but it hurts so bad. It feels like my chest is crushing my heart, and my stomach is doing backflips. It feels as if all the sunshine has been sucked out of my sky and has been replaced with my own personal rain cloud (like in the cartoons). All I can do right now is pray as hard as I can that God won't take her away from me. So now this ninja gets to play the waiting game. If everything goes the way I pray to God they would, then it would be like I won the Emotional Lottery. I get to stay with the love of my life and be happy. If not, let's just say that this will turn into one of those sad blogs that JM mentioned in his blog. To everyone asking why I haven't shared this earlier, I just couldn't put it into words. Posting it in my blog is the best I can do. Every time I think about it, the tears well up and I turn into a pathetic mess. I don't know what I'd do without her in my life... |
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Return of the G3 |
| My Canon Powershot G3 is back after being out of commission for the past 7 months. For some reason, it broke while in the studio. The lens wouldn't extend anymore and therefore the whole camera was turned into a fancy paperweight with an LCD monitor. According to the Canon repair guy, the main PCB had a short. How that happened... I don't know. Anyway, after paying P10,500 for the replacement of the PCB, my camera is back to it's original sexiness. |
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Gotta have Faith... |
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Opposite ends of the emotional spectrum... |
| It's amazing how your mood can change in an instant. Sometimes life just throws you the most unexpected curve balls. Last week was exam week again. I was in really high spirits starting Monday because I had my Math 1 exam and aced it, my midterm grade would be over 100% if that were possible. In Math 2, I made a minor mistake but my midterm grade still managed to end up a 98.98%. The biggest reason for me to smile arrived on Tuesday when I found out that I was exempted from my Graphics 1 exam, that meant I got an automatic 95 for my midterm exam. I was thanking God for giving me such blessings. However, it made me careless. I was supposed to work on my take-home exam in Design 1, a floor plan of the 1st floor of a house, which was due on Wednesday morning. I worked on it, and could have finished it, but fell asleep at 3 in the morning. When I woke up, it was already 7:30 AM. My plate was due 7:30 AM. I rushed to school hoping that our instructor would give us some time to finish it, but when I arrived, my classmates were all scribbling frantically on a written exam. I attempted to answer the exam, quite hopelessly, then after the exam I found out that we all had to pass our take-home part of the exam... finished or not. Bummer. |
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9 is supposed to be lucky, right? |
| For the Chinese, the character for the number nine, pronounced as 'Jiu', implies 'everlasting', especially in friendship and marriage. Hey there peeps, it just happens to be our ninth monthiversary. In light of this occasion, I wanted to take the time to finally clear everything up. For those of you dying to know how we got together, now's your chance to find out. Not many people know this, but we met a long time ago. Almost 10 years ago, we met at my Tita Sisi's birthday party. Kay was her classmate during high school. So that makes her 1 year older than me. Back then, I have to admit that I had a crush on her, but I was such a geek back then. After that, we only crossed paths twice during high school (during the Intrams in Don Bosco during my 3rd year, and during their graduation). It wasn't until during my 2nd year of college that we met again. She still hung out with Tita Sisi, and they helped me out during my transition period. Every once in a while, we'd hang out during their breaks, usually in the foodcourt. There was one night that they brought me along to listen to a live band. Back then, Kay was still Manang Kay to me, but I still had a crush on her. However, that was as far as it went. My heart belonged to Tina while I was in college, and she had a boyfriend, Alex. So I was happy to have her as a friend, and didn't expect anything else. She graduated a year ahead of me and went to Cebu, so we lost touch for a while. It wasn't until she came home a few months later that, out of the blue, we just came across each other and were able to exchange cellphone numbers. After that she went to Manila and we would keep in touch occasionally through SMS. Again, at the time, I still didn't have any feelings for her aside from friendship. We'd give each other advice and stuff. While she was in Manila, she told me about her new boyfriend. The were a several times that I was able to call her and she'd be crying on the other end. Cactus that I am (JR's term for me because I listen and listen and listen to whatever problems he might have), I'd listen to her and try to give advice. But it was usually Kay who'd do the talking, telling me that it's been so long since he'd contact her, visit her, etc. I won't go into the details. Point is, I did my best to be there for her and comfort her. It was through this that I felt we became alot closer. Then she applied to Smart and was able to get herself assigned back here at home in Bacolod. We'd still talk once in a while, usually about her boyfriend or me looking for a new phone at Smart. It was in mid-2003 that I broke up with Tina. Later in the year, Kay and I were talking (yes, about her boyfriend again), but she was kinda busy with work. So I asked her if she'd wanna watch a movie or something later, then we could continue our talk later. So we watched a movie, just the two of us. Sometime in November, Tina found out about it and went on a warpath. Anyway, it was really shitty timing that Kay was in the hospital at that time, suffering from a bad ulcer. So Kay got pissed at both me and Tina. We lost touch for several months because of that incident. Fast forward to August, 2005. We met after she watched the SouthBorder concert. I guess she decided to forget what happened. It felt weird at first, but we returned to friend-cactus status. There was that one lunch we had together in KFC, as usual we went back to talking about her boyfriend and the fact that he was AWOL again. In November, when Tita Sisi and Tita Faith came home, I joined them for dinner in Imay's. For some reason I found myself really attracted to Kay, I couldn't understand it. The whole night I couldn't keep my eyes off her. Later on we were in MO2 and we were pretty much the only people in the area (we went out on a weeknight). I managed to get myself pretty wasted that night and had to get home. I made it to my bed and fell asleep, but not before sending Kay a text that let her know how I felt. Kay was surprised, and the next morning I did quite a bit of apologizing, but our flirting didn't stop there. She went to Boracay with my Titas for a few days and we were still texting. On the Friday of that same week, it was the birthday of Tita Faith. I picked her up at the mall then we went to the resort where the party was being held. After dinner we went off alone to one of the pools away from the party to talk. This was the first time we talked face to face since the night in MO2. At first, we talked about her boyfriend again, but then it drifted off to other topics. Later on, I worked up the nerve to let her know how I felt. By the next morning, much to the surprise of my Titas, Kay was my girlfriend. Anyway, this is just how it started. There's alot more to tell, but that can wait for another post. Love you, Kay! |
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Unexpected plot twists... part three |
| Let's try to fast forward this story and get things closer to present day. Back in October, it was Masskara/Oktoberfest season in Bacolod. Zafiro was able to come home to Bacolod where we convinced him to come back for good to join the company, but he had to go back to Cebu to take care of things before that. I also met up with Kay for lunch one time, nothing special. We just ate at KFC and talked mostly about her boyfriend, which was pretty much what we did whenever we talked. End of October, JR finally came home for sem break from Law School. This meant one thing. Party party party! I don't remember getting wasted so often in such short intervals as when JR is around. He is the Van Wilder of Bacolod (does that make me Taj?). Party mode extended until late November. It was just what I needed to keep me from going nuts in the studio. Flozard, our photographer, already quit because we managed to fuck up the LCC account. It was supposed to be good to go, but still slipped out of our hands. I wonder why? Early November, Tita Faith and Tita Sisi came home for vacation with her boyfriend Owen. The last time we were together was back during my vacation in 2003, so it was really great to be able to spend time with them again. It was during this time that Kay and I became a couple, it all happened so fast... but that's another story for another post. It's coming soon! Promise! In January, I went with Kay to Manila. She had training up in Smart Tower and I was roaming around Makati meeting up with friends. We had an EB for the pROSins boards and I met up with Maan, Dein, Sam, Doranne and JR. It was such a relief to be away from the office. The two of us also went out drinking with JR and my cousin Tan². It seems I overdid the whole walking thing in Makati because my feet totally got blistered and ended up getting infected when I got back home. This kept me stuck at home for more than a week. It was horrible, I could barely even walk and felt like crap. But thankfully, it got better after that. Fast forward to April, Tita Ting and Tita Bing came home for mom and dad's 25th Wedding Anniversary. I was so happy on that day because Kay was there by my side to celebrate it with us. A few weeks later, I finally decided that enough was enough. I quit from the studio, packed my gear and left. Zaffy felt the same, so we both split. That marked the start the newest chapter of my life. It was at that point that I decided to go back to school and take up Architecture. So now here I am in LCC Bacolod, the top architecture school in the Philippines. My rusty brain is taking a beating, but I'm giving it my best. I have all the inspiration I need. You know who you are. *wink* |
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Friendster Blogs Fragged |
What the hell was up with the Friendster Blogs the past few days? I couldn't get in to post. Boo hoo hoo. Anyway, lets get back on track. Expect a post either tonight or tomorrow morning. Weee! edit July 15, 2005 11:52 PM: |
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Just a quick update... |
| Sorry about that full blown rant last week, it was just an experiment on releasing some tension. It's been building up lately. But don't worry, that doesn't happen too often. I complain alot, but actually getting pissed off and scream and shit is rare. Anyway, I've been moving my posts from my friendster blog to my this blog, which will be my main blog. Friendster's free blog is ok, but comes up short in my list of criteria. My friendster blog will get the posts first then they'll be copied to the blogspot blog. This way, my friendsters will get notifications whenever my blog is updated. At the same time, my non-friendster friends can comment on my blogspot blog. The blogspot blog has alot more free features and will is much more customizable, so if time permits, it'll get a nice facelift in the future. What else... Right now I'm posting from the house in Victorias. I spent the weekend here because yesterday was my cousin MM's birthday, at the same time we combined it with the celebration of Lolo's death anniversary. It was a crazy night last night, it would be a safe to assume that everyone had a great time, especially my cousins. Today they'll all be going home to California. *sad* |
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MR. T rocks the mic |
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© Timothy James Tupas 2005 All rights reserved
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