Silent but Deadly...

Photo Contest?

2008-11-17T04:16:00.006+08:00

just in case anyone reads this, if you have time please vote for my entry in this online photo contest.

here's the link to my entry:
http://cafebacolod.com/forum/index.php?topic=158.0

and here's a link to euny's entry:
http://cafebacolod.com/forum/index.php?topic=166.0

you'll need to register, but you can leave the account dormant once you vote. just post something along the lines of: I VOTE FOR THIS. yun lang haha. you can vote for both our entries, one vote for each entry!

thanks everyone!

Ninja Kanji

2007-05-31T14:40:00.000+08:00

(Quick note: Yes, I do realize it's been several months since my last post. Don't worry, more to come soon.)

You might have seen the background picture in my Friendster Profile. That's the kanji for Ninja, I was scanning the net and found the origins of the kanji. Personally, I find the art of writing kanji to be very interesting. Evey character has a specific meaning or story. Originally from: http://www.theartofcalligraphy.com/ninja-kanji.html

The ninja kanji has two elements: NIN means to hide and JA stands for person. I have brushed the ninja kanji in a semi-cursive script with a beautiful balance between rest and motion to suggest the spirit of a ninja.

The most significant character in the ninja kanji is NIN.

Its original Chinese meaning is patience, endurance, but in Japan NIN evolved into shinobi, meaning to hide, to sneak in. The kanji NIN gives us an unmistaken picture of what the Chinese and Japanese understand by patience: a blade upon the heart!

It requires little effort to imagine how this kanji for patience expanded its meaning to hiding, remaining undiscovered. For the spying samurais of the feudal Japan it was a common reality they faced, that even at the risk of their lives, -a blade upon their heart-, they did not reveal their identity. For the modern ninja, the stress, aggression and violence of our modern world certainly act as a sharp blade on our heart.

The kanji NIN has two parts. In the upper part there is the blade; its left element has a long dot, as if it were a drop of blood dripping from the sword. The lower part is a heart.

The second kanji is SHA.

The SHA kanji, pronounced as JA in NINJA, means person. Although unrecognizable in the actual form of this kanji, the original pictogram of JA, depicts an old person with long hair who walks with a cane. My guess is this was the best way to refer to a wise and respected person, full of experience and knowledge.

I picture your face in the back of my eyes

2007-02-28T02:28:00.000+08:00

I ain't got shit for ya. I'm a mess right now. But I'm a relatively happy mess. Hah! Just have a listen to this here. I love Incubus.

Incubus - Anna Molly

A cloud hangs over
Its a city by the sea
I watch the ships pass and wonder if she might be
Out there and sober as a well for loneliness
Please do persist girl its time we met and made a mess

I picture your face in the back of my eyes
A fire in the attic a proof of the prize
Anna Molly, Anna Molly, Anna Molly
Doo doo doo doo do, Doo doo doo doo do

A cloud hangs over
And mutes my happiness
A thousand ships couldnt sail me back from distress
Wish you were here
I'm a wounded satellite
I need you now put me back together make me right

I picture your face in the back of my eyes
A fire in the attic a proof of the prize
Anna Molly, Anna Molly, Anna Molly
I'll crawl to your name
I'll bend to the earth
Nobody else could ever compare
Anna Molly, Anna Molly

Wait there is a light
There is a fire illuminated attic
Fate or something better I could care less
Just stay with me a while
Wait there is a light there is a fire defragmenting the attic
Fate or something better I could care less
Just stay with me a while

I picture your face in the back of my eyes
A fire in the attic, a proof of the prize
Anna Molly, Anna Molly, Anna Molly
I'll crawl to your name
I'll bend to the earth
Nobody else could ever compare
Anna Molly, Anna Molly
Anna Molly (wait there is a light, there is a fire defragmenting the attic)
Anna Molly (fate or something better, I could care less, just stay with me a while)

Doo doo doo doo do do, Doo doo doo doo do do

Late Holiday Updates

2007-01-07T23:53:00.000+08:00

Hmm... First post of the year. I guess everyone's been experiencing the sluggish internet due to the damaged Fiber-optic cables during the Taiwan quake. Well, let's just hope that the repairs will be finished as soon as possible.

So, Happy Holidays everyone. These past few weeks haven't been too good for me here. After Christmas I got sick and even spent a whole week stuck at home. Up until now, I'm still feeling under the weather. Ugh, what a way to start the year.

*Update 01/15/07* For some reason, I still haven't fully recovered and still continue to have the sniffles. What the hell, dude?

School is back in session again, and of course that means only one thing, PLATES. Got lots of shit to take care of, so I'll leave you with a late Christmas song. Enjoy!

Goodbye, Mommy Lyka...

2006-12-21T12:47:00.000+08:00

When you introduce a pet into your household, there comes a point in time that you don't look at them as animals anymore, they become a part of your family. Lyka, our Doberman, was just supposed to be a guard dog, but she ended up as a very welcome addition to our house here in Sum-ag. My dad bought her when we first transferred here a little over two years ago.

I wouldn't consider myself to be a dog lover, but Lyka was the type of dog that you couldn't help but get attached to. She was really sweet and affectionate. I could hold out a handful of dog food and she'd quickly but carefully lick it out of my hand. If you stopped rubbing her head for a while, she'd start to nudge you to get your attention again. You could even put your forearm in her mouth and she'd just slobber all over it. If you waved your hand near her front paws, she'd raise one of them and shake your hand.

I remember the first time I realized that Lyka was more than just a dog to us. There was one time where she got cut from running around chasing frogs and cats in our lawn. Most probably from poking around some broken bottles in the garbage heap. The cut was pretty deep and Lyka was a bloody mess. She had to go to the vet and needed stitches and antibiotics. Back at the house, we wrapped her up in a blanket and kept close watch over her. It was a real scare for us, but she got better.

The past few days, Lyka wasn't her active, playful self. We thought she was just having her period, so we didn't really mind it much. However, just last Sunday, she didn't eat much at all and was hardly moving. Before I left to attend Simbang Gabi early Monday morning, she was sitting next to the front door and I gave her a quick pat on the head and rubbed her behind the ears. Then I came home and we noticed that she was back in her usual spot where we usually kept her tied up. At this point she was barely moving and my brother decided to bring her to the vet as soon as they opened. At this point I was really drowsy, so I went to bed.

Around an hour later, JP came up and woke me up and told me Lyka died on the way to the vet. I couldn't believe it and ran down to see her. She was just laying there on the floor, motionless. I knelt down beside her and the sight just left me dumbfounded. I couldn't find the words and the tears just welled up in my eyes. Yep, I cried for my dog. Our beloved mommy Lyka. It couldn't be helped. I went upstairs and sat in front of my PC, just staring at the screen while the tears kept coming.

We buried Lyka here next to the house. Everytime I walk out the front door, part of me expects to see her back in her old spot, keeping a watchful eye over the area. It's still hard to accept that she's gone. I do find comfort in the thought that up there in Heaven, God's got himself a really great doberman.

-------------------------

I dunno if it's just a coincidence, but yesterday one of the runners at dad's office gave a puppy to us. He's a cross between a black lab and a dalmatian. My sister decided to call him Shadow. Sounds like a good name for a ninja dog.

Procrastination r0XX0rz my b0XX0rz!

2006-12-13T03:13:00.000+08:00

Heh, thanks to my stupid, lazy attitude, I get to stay awake until I finish my B.Tech plate. Yey.

Once this is finished and I can catch up on some sleep, I'll do my best to finalize one of my pending blog entries. This is a good one, so let's hope I get it done!

Wish me luck!

Holy shit. For real?

2006-12-01T23:10:00.000+08:00

It has come to my attention that... wait.. no nononono NO... this has actually been pointed out to me by several people already. At first it was quite a shocker to me and took me quite a long time to accept this as a truth. I've even tried to deny it to myself and to others, but now that I've learned to live with it, the healing can begin. It's taken quite a long time, and now I am ready to admit this to everyone. Please don't be shocked when you hear this, it might blow your friggin' minds.

Confession time peeps... This is very difficult for me, but it's something which needs to come out of hiding. I, Timothy James Sta. Ana Tupas, Male, 25 years of age, admit to everyone of you reading this that: Yes, the rumors are true. Without a shadow of a doubt, I do, in fact, have a FAT ASS.

No, really... I do. Gadzooks! You're shocked, aren't you? Totally, fragtastically flabergasted?!? Good Lord, what a turn of events. This piece of information could turn the world upside down and flip that motherfucker right off its axis. Great Odin's raven, I bet you didn't see that one coming!

Sheesh, seriously people. Next time any of you feel the need to point out the fact that I have a plump rump, please just don't. I already know. Everyone else knows. It's fucking obvious. It's not like I've been trying to hide it in the first place. Just leave my ass alone.

listening to: Ciara - Get Up feat. Chamillionaire

Correction!

2006-11-30T23:30:00.000+08:00

The other day, I had a lengthy argument with one of my friends when he commented that I make it a habit to point out other people's mistakes. I just corrected his use of a word and it set him off. I admit it happens often, but is it really a bad thing?

Now I don't know whether it's because of my character where I want to help people out or just a part of me who is a closet perfectionist, but I'm sure that it's not my intention to put down the person who I correct. I also want to avoid coming off as arrogant or a smart-ass, so if I do, all apologies. Let me assure you, my only goal is to help you out so other (more judgmental) people wouldn't make fun of you if you were to make that mistake in front of them.

There are times when you're out in public and someone you don't know or just meet makes a glaring, but understandable mistake. For me, that's not a big deal. As much as possible, whenever I correct someone, I try to make sure that we're not in earshot of anyone else or at least within our group of friends.

Of course there are those people who love to talk like they're some sort of omniscient force, when in fact they're brainless pieces of shit. Now I have no problem letting these fools run their mouths and make themselves look stupid.

On the flipside, Lord knows I'm far from perfect, I make mistakes all the time. With that in mind, it's my sincere wish that my friends would let me know and correct me when I'd make a mistake as well. Just tryin' to be a useful human.

listening to: Kanye West - Family Business

Blunt Force Trauma

2006-11-27T22:25:00.000+08:00

I watched the Pacquiao vs. Morales fight last Sunday at L'Fisher Hotel with my dad. They set up the La Proa Ballroom with a huge screen and LCD projector with room for at least 200 people. The atmosphere during the fight was insane, people were screaming, cheering on Pacman as loud as they could. I swear, it felt like we were right there ringside in Las Vegas. Manny didn't disappoint his fans, he was too fast and too strong. Morales didn't have a chance.

Well, kudos to Manny for the win, but that isn't what the main topic of this post is. For those who watched the early moments of the pay-per-view or were just early for the match in the arena itself, there was this one fight before all the main events had started. It involved Fernando Beltran Jr. and Edel Ruiz, in the Super Bantamweight division. They were actually really slow and not much to look at.

At first, I wasn't paying much attention until, during one of the early rounds, I noticed Beltran go down on his knees and grimace in pain. For some reason, the referee wasn't counting to ten, but was reprimanding the other boxer instead. This made me look at Beltran again and noticed he was doubled over, groaning and covering his crotch. Turns out, the Ruiz was guilty of committing a low blow. I chuckled a bit and settled in my seat to watch out of sheer curiosity.

After a while, he did it again! This time, I actually saw his glove hit Beltran's nether region. The other dude seemed like he was pretty close to tears and his hands were on his battered manhood. It was painful to watch and I couldn't help but wince. At this point, most of the crowd in L'Fisher noticed what was going on and were reacting as well.

Out of pity, I hoped that would be the last low blow Beltran would have to suffer, but for some reason, the sadist in me was half-expecting to see more phallic carnage. The referee warned Ruiz again, but only a few moments later, a third and a fourth low blow sent his hapless opponent into the throes of pain and suffering. Each time a low blow was committed, there was mix of laughs and groans from the crowd. I myself found it hard to decide whether to burst out laughing or empathetically cup my own family jewels in pain.

The low blowing dynamo, Ruiz, was given his final warning to cease the bludgeoning of his opponent's wang, but with little success. For the FIFTH and final time, he delivered a low blow straight to the pitiful balls of Beltran. The victim went down with a look of excruciating pain on his face and I couldn't help but explode in laughter. The rest of the crowd gave a similar reaction, mixed with boos, cheers and whatnot. Beltran won by DQ in the fourth round, but at what cost?

How the hell did this happen? Ruiz must be blind and should never have been in the ring in the first place. God... It was good for a few laughs, but have mercy on the dude taking the punches to the crotch. I bet if Beltran is lucky enough to produce children, they'll be born dizzy and stupid.

listening to: Youngbloodz - Im'ma Shine

Old Lady vs. Jerk in Mercedes

2006-10-26T10:10:00.000+08:00

this just cracks me up. being a rich fuck doesn't give you the right to be an asshole. way to stick it to the man, old lady!

déjà vu?

2006-10-21T23:42:00.000+08:00

The term déjà vu is French, literally meaning "already seen". It is a phenomenon where you undergo a feeling of intense familiarity with something you think you've never seen or experienced before. For example, let's say you're talking with a friend, discussing a current topic, and you feel that you've already had this conversation with that friend some time ago.

I've been experiencing déjà vu quite often these past few years, and it's always the same thing. I have a dream, usually about something mundane and unimportant, then all of a sudden, maybe days or months later, it comes true. What happens in the real world is what happens in the same exact sequence as my dream. Whatever someone said in that dream is what they say in real life, word-for-word. Sometimes it freaks me out. The moment it happens, I pause for a moment in disbelief and wonder, "What the heck?" The feeling is so surreal, it's hard to explain. Sometimes it makes one wonder, how can you sort out what will happen and what won't happen? I guess like most people, I have lots of dreams about varying subjects. For some strange reason it's the weirdest ones that end up coming true.

There are times where I wish that I'd dream about something important, like winning the lottery or the answers to an upcoming exam. That would be a great déjà vu experience. Or what if there were some way to increase the frequency of those experiences? It would be like having an oracle, giving you "tips" for the future. Seriously though... what if you have a dream that's so good, you wish that it would one day be something you experience déjà vu over? On the flipside, what if you have a dream that's so scary that you hope to God it never comes true?

Roadkill

2006-10-13T01:03:00.000+08:00

I almost got myself killed today. I don't wanna talk about it. Well, actally, I did but my long blog post got lost somehow... I don't feel like typing it up again. At least not now. I don't want to relive that moment again.

Tim = Weak

2006-10-07T23:50:00.000+08:00

Woke up in the middle of the night with my body blazing hot but shaking like I was in the middle of a snowstorm. I couldn't control it, I just kept shaking involuntarily. My head was pounding and my whole body was sore. It took all my remaining strength to send my brother a text message before curling up into a fetal position with tears welling up in my eyes from the intense pain. JP and Phillip arrived a few moments later to try and figure out what was wrong with me.

I'm exhausted, my body just buckled from all the stress and abuse I've been subjecting myself to these past few weeks. But I don't have a choice, we have so many projects to do this final term. The bulk of these were assigned by our merciless Visual Tech. teacher. It's just a blessing that some of these projects are group work. My classmates and I have been spending alot of time staying up until the wee hours of the day getting these done, and the toll on my body is evident now.

I keep telling myself that this will all be worth it in the end. Just gotta keep focused and once the semester is over, I can take a nice long break.

Right now, I'm loading myself up with Tylenol and Vitamin C. After that, I think I'll just collapse. I still have my final exam in Design tomorrow. Yes, tomorrow. Sunday. Yippee...

listening to: Lost Prophets - A Town Called Hypocrisy

Fine Dining in the Philippines!

2006-09-03T10:41:00.000+08:00

Here's a link to Doranne's blog about one of our country's more "creative" dining establishments:

Pek-Pek Carenderia

Leave it to pinoys to be so innovative with their menus.

Do your part!

2006-08-28T10:33:00.000+08:00

Here's a post from JM's blog about the Guimaras oilspill... This is actually relatively close to where I live, so it's pretty scary. You never expect shit like this to happen so close to home.

Snippets from an article found here.
"Date of accident : August 11, 2006...
Amount of cargo : 528,000+ gallons in 10 tanks equivalent to 2 million liters "
"It was reported that Petron Corporation contracted the MT Solar 1 a single hull vessel to deliver the cargo from Bataan Peninsula in Luzon to Western Mindanao Power Corporation in Zamboanga del Sur (Mindanao Island), but sank on its way to destination."
"The spill has already contaminated 240 kms of Guimaras coast, 1,000 hectares of marine reserves, 60 hectares of seaweed plantations, and 40,000 people whose survival depends upon the integrity of this marine environment have been displaced. They have already lost their means of livelihood as thousands more are facing the same fate while the oil spill continues.
We demand for immediate government action in containing this oil spill as we anticipate greater damage to the population and destruction of the environment if not controlled.
We hold the Petron Corporation accountable and must answer to rectify the damage that has been done to the environment and to the people of Guimaras, Panay and Negros Islands.
We deplore the slow response to this emergency situation which increases the danger and the devastation as it goes unabated."
.....
Want to know what the government has been doing to solve the situation? Here's something from http://apunk.gnn.tv/blogs/17940/OIL_SPILL_IN_GUIMARAS
"The government has hired locals for the clean-up, paying them less than $4 (£2.11) a day to scoop up the sludge on the shores. Many have no masks and use their bare hands. Whilst Petron organizes a scheme to employ the villagers to clean up the mess they create for a measly wage."
.....
Sign the petition now by clicking here! Or click the "Click Here To Sign Petition" button at the end of the article.

Oh, and in line with JM's post, I'd just like to say: "560 or nothing!"

In dire need of a time machine...

2006-08-14T03:26:00.000+08:00

Sigh... It looks like I spoke too soon again. Just when things seemed to fall into place, every possible thing that could go wrong reared its ugly head. I just had the craziest week of my life, right now I'm just doing my best to survive.

I thought things would start to get easier as training progressed, but it just got tougher. Don't get me wrong, the training itself is a breeze, I'm enjoying it thoroughly. School would also be no problem, if that were the only thing I had to take care of. It's the combination that's killing me. I'm hardly getting any sleep, I had to reschedule 3 of my exams just to make it to work on time, my plates aren't getting done and, to top it all off, Kay and I hardly get to spend any time together.

Imagine my Friday... My Design3 exam started at 1pm, then it was due 8pm. If you know how I work in Design, you know that I'd be lucky to finish by 9. However, I had to rush and finish it by 7:30 so that I could make it to my training at 8pm. Thank God that I was able to get all the requirements done, but there were so many things that I could have added if I had time. So anyway, I was at training from 8pm until 6 in the morning. I could barely stand when I got home. I just collapsed on my bed.

This is a bit too much for me now. The homework is piling up and I don't have enough energy left to take care of it when I'm at home. My plate in Design3 is due on Thursday, and I've barely got anything done.

I'm 99% convinced that I'm going to take an indefinite break from TelePerformance. I'll just finish the soft skills training, which is probably going to be until tomorrow. Then I'll stop before heading into the product training for Dell. However convinced I seem to be, the war in my head continues to rage on... half of me keeps saying that I'll hate myself for giving this up.

But physically, I'm drained.

Socially, I'm non-existant.

Mentally, I'm half dead.

Academically, I'm close to being doomed.

I'm just glad that through this whole thing I've managed to stay spiritually intact. Otherwise I'd probably be in the loony bin right now.

First things first, I need time to catch up on my academics. My drafting board is waiting for me. Peace out.

Professional Callboy

2006-08-07T04:18:00.000+08:00

After being silent on the matter for the past few months, it's time for me to let everyone know what's going on.

Back sometime near the end of May, I decided to test my luck and apply with Teleperformance, located here in Bacolod. The whole application process was pretty painless (a first for me) and during the morning of June 1, I had my final interview. Fortunately, I did well enough to pass, but the final verdict was still a cliffhanger. Yes, I was able to pass, but because of my lack of experience in the callcenter industry, they said I might not be accepted as a TSR (Technical Support Representative). My fate would lie in the hands of whoever was in charge of the account we'd be handling. At that point, the worst possible scenario was me ending up as a CSR (Customer Service Representative), which I wasn't really looking forward to. So the only thing left for me to do was wait.

Until that point, only my brother and Kay had any idea that I had even applied to Teleperformance. I didn't want to jinx it. Furthermore, didn't want to get everyone (including myself) excited, then let them down later on if I wasn't accepted. So, after my final interview, I let my parents and a few friends know that I had been hired, but made sure to explain that things weren't set in stone yet. There were many other things on my mind, the biggest concern was whether or not I'd be able to continue studying Architecture while working. The schedule was my biggest worry, in case there would be a conflict later on, I'd surely have to choose between Architecture and Teleperformance. So I was in a big pickle. With that in mind, I decided not to announce it in my blog yet.

As for my schedule for my classes in Architecture, I was already enrolled since before my birthday, so I already knew what to expect. As June contunued, classes started. Since I didn't hear from Teleperformance yet, I went along with my Arfien life as normal. The schedule itself was manageable, but there were a few problem subjects that up to now are making my life a living hell. But that's another story altogether.

Fast forward to mid-July, where one morning, I missed two calls while in Design class. At first I didn't mind them, but when I got home at around 2 o'clock in the afternoon, I found out that it was Teleperformance who was calling. Since I wasn't able to answer my cellphone, they left word at the house that I was supposed to go there to meet with the HR peeps at 3. Rushing like a madman, I made my way to TP where they informed a group of us that we were to gather our requirements for employment and to be ready for an orientation on July 31. We were congratulated and they told us that we would be handling the Dell account. Best part? It was a technical account.

The only thing that worried me then was the schedule. They said they'd contact me before July 31 with regards to the time of the orientation. On Friday, July 28, they called me again and informed me that we'd be having it at 9 in the morning then be ready for training afterwards and that it would most likely last all day. My heart sank. How was I supposed to attend class now? Trying to think positive, I decided to just be absent from my classes that day, then see what would happen. Deep inside, I was preparing myself to let go of my job at Teleperformance.

When orientation time came, I was ready to hear the worst. Fortunately, the trainers informed us that after this day of training, our schedules would then be moved to 9pm-6am. I breathed a sigh of relief. Despite how unforgiving the schedule seemed, I vowed that I would do my best to attend class during the day while attending training at night. Catching up on sleep was my only concern now.

So here I am, one week of training done. From what we were told, there should be 7 more weeks to go. This first week of training has been great, it's been lots of fun. In terms of sleep, I've been sneaking some naps here and there, then I spent the whole weekend sleeping. It's all touch and go right now, I'm just doing my best to keep things balanced.

Looking back, I remember back when I first applied a little over 2 months ago. I prayed so hard for God to guide me towards the right path. I put everything in His hands. Right now, I'm thankful that everything has worked out so far. I've also got to thank all my friends and family who have been so extremely supportive of me.

English Lessons?

2006-07-29T09:10:00.000+08:00

Some important stuff in a bit, but first... JM told me about this video, and he posted it on his blog as well. To help entertain the masses, I'll post it as well! This video cracks me up every time I see it. For a quick summary of what's going on, you can check out JM's blog (link is on the sidebar). Watch it HERE. Enjoy! You might also want to watch the Hard Gay videos, just search for them in YouTube.

Now, I know I haven't been posting lately... It's not entirely because of my innate ability to procrastinate, although I do admit that it is a big factor. One of the main reasons why I've been in stealth mode is because there have been some things happening that I need to keep secret for now. Some very big decisions are being made right now, and I don't want to jinx them. Rest assured that once everything is in place, I will have a nice healthy post about it.

Ultimate Ninja Defensive Technique

2006-06-30T08:19:00.000+08:00

What's up everyone? I'm back! Kinda...

Here's a really effective defensive move for you to add to your arsenal of ninja moves. I personally have never had to resort to such a desperate move, but who knows, it pays to be prepared.

Monkey Steals the Peach

More updates coming soon!

listening to: Jay-Z - Gotta Make the Song Cry

Escape to Manila

2006-05-10T05:17:00.000+08:00

It's already past 5 in the morning, and I can't seem to fall asleep. My flight to Manila is at 2pm. My bag isn't packing itself. My brain is throbbing in my skull. There's way too much crap floating through my mind right now.

Yes, I'm off to Manila in a few hours. Things happened so fast that it's hard to explain. All I know is that this is an escape from everything that's making me crazy. It's a chance for me to take a step back and get things into perspective. It was supposed to be very different. Things should be perfect, but they're far from it.

It's a week before my 25th birthday. Where is everything leading? Am I making any progress or is this fucking carousel going to take me for another spin? A while back, I felt certain my life was going in the right direction, but right now it's like I just got kicked in the teeth and tumbled backwards again. In my mind, there is still that one constant driving me on. She'll always be my goal...

Sticky Fluids and Small Erections

2006-04-25T09:45:00.000+08:00

Been waking up every morning for the past 4-5 days coughing up enough phlegm to fill up half of my lungs. Hurts like hell and I end up sounding like a frog or some weird dying animal. As much as possible, I want to avoid going to the doctor and just try to pump up my immune system to kill this fucker. This morning I downed 2 bottles of orange juice, some vitamin C and a whole lot of water. The assault will continue all day. Being sick pisses me off bigtime, it's such an energy drainer.

I'm still working on that weird blog post that I've been mentioning lately. For some reason it just doesn't seem to flow properly. Oh well, no sense in forcing it out. I'll try to finish it up soon.

I've been meaning to post some pics of my final project in Design2. Aside from the usual working drawings, we had to make a scaled model of our building. I used a scale of 1:50 meters, so it ended up being a bit big, and was quite troublesome to put together. It took about 3 days to get it done. During the final 48 hours, I was way past the deadline and didn't sleep at all. But all that hard work paid off in the end and I was satisfied with the result because it looked pretty good sitting next to my other classmates' models. Click on the thumbnails for a bigger pic.

I want to fall in love with You...

2006-04-16T20:09:00.000+08:00

Love Song for a Savior
Jars of Clay

In open fields of wild flowers
She breathes the air and flies away
(She thanks her Jesus for) the daisies and the roses
In no simple language
Someday she'll understand the meaning of it all

He's more than the laughter or the stars in the heavens
As close as a heartbeat or a song on her lips
Someday she'll trust Him and learn how to see Him
Someday He'll call her and she will come running
And fall in His arms, and the tears will fall down and she'll pray

[chorus]
I want to fall in love with You
I want to fall in love with You
I want to fall in love with You
I want to fall in love with You

Sitting silent, wearing Sunday best
The sermon echoes through the walls
(A great salvation through) it calls to the people
Who stare into nowhere, and can't feel the chains on their souls

He's more than the laughter or the stars in the heavens
As close as a heartbeat or a song on our lips
Someday we'll trust Him and learn how to see Him
Someday He'll call us and we will come running
And fall in His arms and the tears will fall down and we'll pray

[chorus]
I want to fall in love with You
I want to fall in love with You
I want to fall in love with You
I want to fall in love with You

Do you want to pray?
La la la...

It seems too easy to call You Savior
Not close enough to call you God
(So as I sit and think of) words I can mention
To show my devotion

[chorus]
I want to fall in love with You
I want to fall in love with You
I want to fall in love with You
I want to fall in love with You
[3x]

My heart beats for You

Happy Easter + anime + games + Frig?

2006-04-16T11:02:00.000+08:00

What the hell? It's been quite a while since my last post.

I've been working on a post the last few days, but it's not coming out quite right, plus the fact that I keep procrastinating. Shit. It'll be posted soon though. Look out for it, it's pretty weird. For fans of weirdness, you'll like this one. [insert evil laughter]

If you must know what's keeping me "busy", I've been watching quite a bit of anime, including: Naruto (finished about 5 seasons), Tengou Tengi, Boys Be (again), and some other titles. I've also added a few games to my pc. There's two expansion packs for Sims 2, University and Nightlife. I also got Battlefield 2, which is so fucking awesome. I also got Call of Duty, because WWII shooters rock. Last but not least, F.E.A.R., which scares the shit out of me. I'm not trying to be funny, this game is so goddamn spooky.

Oh, during Holy Week, I was playing Scrabble with mom and dad, and while scanning the dictionary for a spelling check, I ran across the word "frig". I use this word often, especially when around little kids to avoid swearing. To my surprise, the word "frig" means: 1. To have sexual intercourse. 2. To perform an act of masturbation. So if you say "That's so frigging stupid", it would be just the same as saying "That's so fucking stupid". 0_0

Anyway, have a Happy Easter everyone!God Bless!

listening to: Urbandub - Frailty

Attack of the Demon Cricket

2006-03-03T04:35:00.000+08:00

It's 4:31 in the fucking morning and there's this goddamn cricket or something having some wild sex or something outside my window. It's so fucking loud that I can't fall asleep. I tried throwing stuff at it, but it keeps coming back. FUCK YOU, YOU STUPID CRICKET THING! LET ME SLEEP!

Fuck... I'll just watch CSI until it goes away.

The evil that is Shitty Monday

2006-02-22T18:43:00.000+08:00

Now statistics isn't really my thing, but if you were to take a look at Mondays, you'd notice that a high percentage of my shitty days occur on Mondays, and the intensity of the shittiness is much higher on shitty Mondays when compared to other shitty days (for example, shitty Wednesdays or shitty Saturdays). There's something about this particular day that just totally makes things FUBAR. Manic Monday indeed!

What happened this Monday just totally blew all shitty days out of the water. From the beginning, it was obvious that it was bound to be a shitty day. I woke up at 8:30 when my first class was at 7:30. Breakfast took a raincheck as I hurried to get ready for my next class which was at 10. At school, my classmates told me that we'd just be watching a thesis deliberation, so I could have just stayed at home and took it easy. Instead of eating for free at home, my wallet took a beating trying to sate my furious hunger that morning.

At 1 o'clock, we had an exam for Design. It didn't appear to be too tough, so things didn't seem so bad. Some of our classmates were still missing and didn't know that the exam was pushed to 1, so I texted them. KZ was one of those people, he ended up sitting at the drafting table in front of me.

Here's the shit. The problem with our classroom was that there are windows along the upper portion of the wall and they let in the evil afternoon sun. The classroom turns into an oven and the sunlight is aimed right at our tables. So we usually place drafting boards there to block the sun. There was already a board on top and I needed to add another one because the light was hitting my table and the glare was horrible. I placed another board on top and climbed down. After noticing that there was still a huge spot of light hitting my table, I decided to scoot the board over a little bit more. As I was adjusting my board, it bumped into the other board and they both started to fall over. I was able to guide my board to hit my table safely and partially grabbed the other board, but that wasn't good enough to stop it from landing on KZ's head. I actually fell over as well and slammed myself on my table, but my attention was on KZ. At first it seemed like he was ok, but when I saw the blood drip from his forehead, I could feel my heart pound in my chest.

I brought KZ to the faculty room where the school nurse rushed over to check him out. After cleaning up the wound, she let us know that we would need to take him to the hospital. At this point, my brain was soup, it felt like the whole world was in fast forward while I was shell-shocked and unable to move. We headed to the hospital where KZ needed to have 4 stitches laced onto his scalp. As I was sitting outside the surgery room, waiting fo him to finish, several thoughts started to pop into my head.

What if the board hit KZ even harder?

What if it missed him altogether?

What if that was me in there right now getting my head stitched up?

What if? What if? What if?!?! I was driving myself crazy, thinking about all the possible outcomes. Everyone kept telling me (even KZ) that it was ok, that it was just an accident, but I kept thinking that if things were worse, would they still say that? Then after calming down a bit, I started to thank God that things didn't turn out worse than they did. But still, that was a pretty fucked up Monday.

listening to: Gwen Stefani - Luxurious

Sheet.

2006-02-14T08:45:00.000+08:00

Haven't updated in a while... many apologies. Things have gotten a bit hectic with school and almost all of my remaining free time has been spent with Kay. Right now I'm trying to get my plate no. 4 in Design done, but my pace is really slow. It's getting pretty frustrating, there are way too many distractions here at home, and in general, it's just not comfortable working here. If that wasn't bad enough, working at school gets even crappier results. I don't know what to do. Shit.

In an effort to reduce the number of distractions, I forced myself to bring my rig to HardyComs and have her checked out. For some reason, my new videocard has been acting up. After testing her out there, it seemed that everything was fine, which lead me to suspect that power fluctuations at the house were the real culprit. If that's the case, I won't be able to use my computer in my room for a while. Anyway, I decided to leave her at HardyComs and have them continue testing her so that at the same time I could concentrate on my drafting work at home.

What a way to spend Valentine's Day. *pif* I've got a few ideas though. Let's see if things go as planned. Love you, Kay!

listening to: Bow Wow - Like You feat. Ciara

I'm just the nuts in your bedpost...

2006-01-30T06:29:00.000+08:00

Here's another funny video. A bit NSFW, but funny. No offense to those of you who like Fall Out Boy, I listen to them too.

Time for Tim?

2006-01-28T11:52:00.000+08:00

Whew, it's been another long Blogging drought. Lots of things on my mind lately.

There have been some major developments with Kay during the past few weeks. Our long story got a bit longer, and it's complexity became even more complicated. Despite the complexity, it's also become much simpler because the equation is only down to two variables now. Maybe I'll post everything that's happened sometime soon. Bottom line is, things are starting to shape up quite nicely.

School has been interesting as well. Turns out I'll be joining a team of three Architecture students going to Iloilo next Friday to represent LCC in a Math/Science contest. I'm such a nerd. T_T During my Prelim Exam in Graphics, I wasn't exempted. Turns out I made a small mistake in one of my recent plates and didn't make the cut. Crap. Oh well, at least I did well in my Exam. VisTech has been torture lately, I suck at rendering in watercolor. Design has been a pain in the ass as well. Oh well, let's just hope for the best.

Money matters? People still owe me money and it seems they don't have any plans on paying. I've been surviving off donations and I've even gotten a bit of cash from some freelance projects (like that photo shoot during Carmela's baptism) but damn, pay me you cheap ass fuckers!

So what about my escape from reality? My virtual life? I've finally had enough with Ragnarok. I don't really have much of a guild there anymore and the botting situation is way out of hand. Most of my time online in that game is spent spitting out expletives. So digitalninja is 99.99% retired from pRO. The pROSins boards are still going strong so I'll still continue as admin, I just refuse to play the actual game. My avatar, digitalninja has been reincarnated in a new game, Rising Force Online. I'm enjoying the game so far, let's see where this goes. Most Wanted and other games have been put on hold for the moment. I want to wait for my video card to arrive. Then it's game time. Wee!

listening to: Urbandub - Alert the Armory

What do you think?

2006-01-15T13:35:00.000+08:00

My friend Shabs had a very interesting status message on YM the other day. If I remember correctly it went something like this:

The love that you can't have lasts the longest, feels the strongest and hurts the most...

Based on experience, I'm gonna have to say that I agree with him. Sucks to be me, huh?

Banned Xbox 360 Ad

2006-01-12T04:15:00.000+08:00

Here's a cool advertisement for the Xbox 360 that Microsoft decided not to air. It's a great commercial, as most Xbox commercials are. Check it out!

Thanks for the link, JM!

The Baptism of Carmela Isabel Sta.Ana

2006-01-05T04:06:00.000+08:00

Just wanted to share some of my shots from my cousin's Baptism. This took place on December 29, 2005. (Click to enlarge) ^_^

New Year's in Victorias

2006-01-01T01:23:00.000+08:00

First post of 2006, w00t!

The first thing that comes to my mind if you mention New Year's is my family. When you come from such a close-knit family such as mine, the holiday season is usually like an annual mini-reunion. We all gather at the house in Victorias and celebrate. Cousins come home from college. Aunts and uncles who live out of town also make their way here. There are usually no less than 15 people in the house durin Christmas and New Year's Eve.

As the new year approaches, we all make our way to the dining room to greet each other, then we go out back to the garage and have the usual fireworks display. At this point in time our extended family, the workers who live nearby and their children also gather around to greet and watch the fireworks. Then everyone makes as much noise as possible. Lola goes around and starts banging pots and pans together. We turn on all the vehicles and honk the horns. The dogs bark, children yell, etc etc. Then after all the noise dies down, we head back to the dining area and have a New Year's feast.

Through the years, it has pretty much been the same faces gathering around. Some years there are new additions, other years (like during last year when Lolo died) that there are some subtractions, but it'll always be our family. I always look back fondly on every year we spend together and look forward to the upcoming years, hoping for the crowd to get bigger.

Happy New Year's everyone! I hope you're with your family tonight, no matter how big or small. God Bless!

listening to: Urbandub - A New Tattoo

Me in 2005

2005-12-31T23:30:00.000+08:00

In an effort to try to document how I see myself and how I change throughout the years, I want to post my "About Me" section in my Friendster profile. I'll try to do this every year. Maybe next year, it'll be exactly the same word-for-word, maybe not...

When people hear for the first time that I was born and raised in Chicago, they expect me to be some kind of crazy, liberated kinda guy. But to their surprise, they find me to be more reserved and conservative. I'm actually really shy around new people and keep pretty quiet. There are some crazy streaks, but I like to keep that side of myself hidden for only my close friends.

Wise ninja once say... less talk, less mistake...

Anyone who knows me knows that computers are a huge part of my life. My day isn't complete if I can't spend some time in front of my PC. Yes, I'm a computer geek. And I'm proud to be one! You can quote me on that!

My relationship with God is healthy. I make it a point to always spend time to talk to Him and praise Him for the blessings He has given me. I am nothing without Him.

I believe in the goodness in people. Everyone deserves a chance to prove themselves. I'm a very trusting person, if you abuse that trust, I'll make sure you regret it. (oooh! scary, huh?)

Hopeless romantic? Yeah that's me. I am such a fool when it comes to matters of the heart. I believe so much in love and it's incredible magic. How far would I go for love? To the limit. Makes you wanna ask me, is it a powerful driving force or my biggest weakness? Ask me again when I'm older and wiser. We'll see if the choices I made and risks I take either get me scarred or pay off in the end.

You might think I'm just a goofy dreamer with my head in the clouds. I don't blame you. Just don't get in my way as I try my darndest to make those dreams come true.

Number 9 on the Blacklist

2005-12-29T05:41:00.000+08:00

Despite getting only about 2 hours of gametime each night, I'm steadily making my way up the Blacklist in Need for Speed: Most Wanted. Just last night I made it to number 9, now the next target is Jewels, Blacklist number 8. My current car is the Porsche Cayman S. This is a sweet ride, courtesy of Baron, the former Blacklist number 10. In case you don't know yet, I love Porsches.

listening to: Fall Out Boy - Grand Theft Autumn

Flashing Lights and Loud Noises

2005-12-25T15:48:00.000+08:00

Merry Christmas everyone! I hope you are all doing well this Christmas season.

These past few days I've been playing Need for Speed: Most Wanted on my PC. For those of you who have played the NFS: Underground series, Most Wanted more or less takes over where Underground 2 left off. This time, however, you do your racing during the daytime, which puts the police hot on your trail. But don't think that's the only change. Most Wanted has several differences when compared to Underground. Those expecting more of the same might end up disappointed, but don't let that dissuade you from playing this game.

While Underground put more emphasis on tricking out your ride to make it look cooler, Most Wanted requires you to embrace the "dark side" of street racing. The more notorious you are, the more "Bounty Points" you get. This is done by breaking as many traffic laws as you can. Ram police and civilian vehicles, destroy property, overspeed, whatever. This will help you climb the Blacklist, the list of the top 15 most notorious racers. No matter how good a racer you are, you can't continue unless you increase your bounty.

The game's graphics are intense, but that doesn't mean those with lesser video cards can't enjoy Most Wanted. I'm running the game with my crappy GeForce FX 5200. No offense, I'm just used to my old faithful GeForce FX 5600 (you are dearly missed). Anyway, despite how much I dislike the 5200, Most Wanted runs quite well on it. You'll just need to lower the detail settings a bit. Take note that even with all settings at low, the game still looks great! With every setting on high, you can see how photo-realistic the game is, but you'd need a more powerful video card to achieve decent framerates at those settings. The soundtrack has the same attitude as Underground 2 and sounds ok, but I think most will agree that the original Underground's was the best. The game's sound is great, the engine sounds are top notch and the police chatter sounds authentic.

You get to choose from a great variety of cars to customize and upgrade, including some exotics like Porsches and Lamborghinis. On a personal note, my favorite, the Mazda Miata, is gone! *sobs* There are lots of great cars available, so it's not a huge loss. I'm looking forward to getting behind the wheel of a Porsche 911 and customizing it. On the subject of customizing, it's not as detailed as Underground is. Gone are the neon lights, exhaust pipes, hydraulics and other little things. Body kits are sold by the set, no longer by piece, but you still get to add roof scoops, hood mods, rims and spoilers. I'm a stickler for details myself and loved being able to customize every single part, so this is a minus to me. For the most part, it doesn't affect the gameplay too much, so most of you probably won't even care.

The racing itself is pretty straightforward compared in Most Wanted, Drift and Street X modes have been scrapped. The AI drivers are pretty much what you'd expect. Earlier levels, it's easy to catch up to them even when they have huge leads, but in later levels, you pay for every mistake you make. The police chases are the icing on Most Wanted's cake. In the beginning of the game, it's fun to toy around with them, but once you get to the later levels of the game, you take a pounding. The measly squad cars are magically transformed into specialized corvettes and heavy SUVs. They become insanely aggresive and travel in packs. In the higher levels, they deploy spike strips, helicopters and roadblocks to stop you. You should never underestimate the boys in blue, they're fierce and don't give up easily. In order to get rid of them, you can either ram them until you take them out or you'll have to make use of the Pursuit breakers. These are parts of the environment marked on the map (like water towers, gas stations, yachts) that can be destroyed that will either delay or take out the cops long enough for you to make your escape. Once you're out of visual range, you have to stay hidden until a cooldown meter fills up. If a cop sees you in before this meter is filled, the chase starts all over again.

The Verdict? Need for Speed: Most Wanted is huge fun, one police chase and you'll be hooked.

listening to: Gorillaz - Dare

Taking some time to think...

2005-12-24T15:10:00.000+08:00

Yes, I'm sorry for the lack of posts lately. Every time I sit in front of the computer, the thought process just doesn't seem to want to start. Other times, I'm raring to go, but then something happens to stop me, like a brownout. There's a lot that I've been wanting to post about, fate is just not cooperating. Anyway, I'm here at home in Victorias for the Christmas weekend. Let's try to get something done today.

It's almost 2006... Looking back on the past year, it's been another whirlwind of emotions and life-altering changes. Obviously, the first thing that comes to my mind would be the situation between me and Kay. All that's left for me to do is to just leave things up to God. If He will bring the two of us together again, then I'll be waiting patiently for that day. If He brings someone else into my life to heal this pain, then so be it. I'll just have to try and keep myself sane for the time being. I guess it's just this sense of hope that is holding me together. One thing is certain though, no matter what happens, I'll always be thankful that Kay is a part of my life.

In terms of health, my overall condition has deteriorated over the course of the year. Several factors, including the time I spent in the studio, the time I got really sick in January, the sleepless nights from doing plate work and an overall lousy lifestyle took its toll on my health. My weight is still pretty much the same as it was in the beginning of the year, but my physical appearance is telling a different story. These past few days I've been stuffing myself with as much food as possible. Then when I get back home, I'm gonna try to do some weight lifting again.

Going back to school is turning out to be one of the most rewarding experiences of my life. The challenges are intense, just the way I like them. It's such a great feeling to be learning so much. At the same time, my classmates are the best, they're a blast to be around. Needless to say, each of them are pretty weird in their own different ways. I feel like I'm right where I belong. Hehe

listening to: Pussycat Dolls - StickwitU

Commercial Ninja Services

2005-12-08T09:02:00.000+08:00

Let's face it, ninja are a dime-a-dozen these days. It's pretty hard getting work. Many of my fellow graduates/clanmates of Ninja School haven't had a contract in a long time. To my comrades out there, if you need some extra cash, you can try these establishments and make use of your elite ninja skills for other purposes.

Commercial Ninja Services - "From lawn care to chiropractors to pizza delivery, ninjas have the skills you need."

Moving with Stealth...

2005-12-08T08:03:00.000+08:00

The other day, JM commented that my posts usually aren't too "Ninja-iy". Well, he's right, there are hardly any Ninja-related posts in my blog. So here's a little something-something you guys might find useful. Got it from one of my ninja textbooks.

Guidelines for stealth walking
Excerpt from "The Mystic Arts of the Ninja" by Stephen K. Hayes

1. Maintain balance control by allowing your body weight to sink and be carried by deeply flexed knees.

2. Remember to breathe along with your movement. Unconsciously holding your breath can unknowingly produce unneeded muscle tension, and could result in gasping release of breath if you are startled or accidentally unbalanced.

3. Stay alert to the entire scene. Do not become so engrossed in watching your feet that you do not notice other people an elements entering the surroundings.

4. Use all joints for movement, emphasizing fluidity through the engagement of the ankles, knees, and hips for stepping. Avoid the lazy and dangerous habit of stiffening knees and swinging the entire leg from the hip.

5. Maintain your weight and balance on your grounded leg while you move the other leg into position to bear the weight. When absolute silence is a must, avoid distributing your weight over both legs at the same time.

6. If practical, allow your hands to float lightly in front of and beside your torso, one arm higher and one arm lower, to detect possible obstructions before your committed body weight encounters them.

7. Pause and hold your position if you feel that you have accidentally caused too much noise. Listen for signs that you were heard, such as the movement of others or the immediate silencing of background noise following your slip. Sink a little lower on your knees to physically relax what could normally jump into your body with alarm. Take a deep breath and release it slowly to further relax. Continue your pause for as long as you feel is necessary to regain composure and allow possible listeners to decide they did not hear anything after all.

8. Be as patient as possible. If speed of travel is not important, take as much time as you can. Impatience and the resultant hasty movement that it encourages are the greatest dangers to the person who must move silently without detection.

9. Keep your movement appropriate to your surroundings. Do not go to greater lengths than necessary to conceal your movement, while at the same being aware of what others entering the area may see if they cannot hear. Total silence may not be needed when moving through wooded or densely populated areas where scattered noise is a natural part of the environment. Also be aware that low profile crawling or sliding may be the only way to move silently without being seen in some locations.

listening to: Fall Out Boy - Sugar, We're Going Down

Wannabe photographer on the loose!

2005-12-04T09:20:00.000+08:00

To my friendsters living in the Metro Bacolod area. Is your profile pic still a bunch of anime characters? Are you bored and unimpressed of your old pics scanned from your pictures laying around at home? Maybe you'd like to have a new picture taken?

I'm not promising anything spectacular, but I do promise to do my best to get the shot you ask for. I'd really like to get the practice. Maybe you've got this really great or wacky idea for your pic, that's cool too. Let's put our heads together and maybe some great shots will come out. Who knows?

You can message me through friendster and I'll let you know how to contact me. Okies?

listening to: L'Arc~en~Ciel - Driver's High (Great Teacher Onizuka OST)

New Banner in Blogspot

2005-12-04T08:47:00.000+08:00

Out of nowhere, I felt the need to create something.

After sitting blankly in front of my computer for several minutes, I went over to look here at my blog and decided to finally add a banner. The effect I wanted was pretty straightforward and simple, so it wasn't any problem. It took all of 20 minutes to finish it. There was a bit of a problem working with the actual code to make it all nice and seamless on the actual template, but it's ok now.

I'm satsified with how the overall layout looks for now, but it probably won't stay that way for long. At least I got something done. Maybe this is a sign of me getting out of this slump. God, I sure hope so.

Please let me know what you think. ^_^

listening to: Bonnie Pink - It's Gonna Rain! (Rurouni Kenshin OST)

Frustration

2005-12-03T12:13:00.000+08:00

I gave up.

For the first time ever, I just sat back and allowed myself to be defeated. In reality, there was still a chance for me, but in my mind, it was just too tiring. It's not that I found it too difficult, it's just that, recently, EVERYTHING was going wrong at the same point in time. My frustration reached a new peak and it just destroyed my will to continue. This never happened before. Those who know me know that I'd never give up, He would always give me that extra nudge, but it was too much this time.

The repercussions of this choice are still unclear. It could snowball into a huge problem in the future, ultimately leading to my undoing. Or, God-willing, I might get my act together, reverse my luck and recover from this fucked-up mess. Right now, I'm too depressed to have a positive oulook on my future as an Architect. There has to be some way to get myself out of this funk. I'm just praying for something, anything to go right. Just a smidgen of hope to help me get through this.

I need some inspiration.

listening to: L'Arc~en~Ciel - Fourth Ave. Cafe (Rurouni Kenshin OST)

The missing piece to my puzzle

2005-12-01T15:13:00.000+08:00

Here Tonight
Hale

So long to you my love
Don't be afraid to run away
I know you'll be okay
Just take your time to find

But I need you here tonight
I need you here inside
I need you here tonight
I really, really need you here tonight

Made up my mind on this
It’s too late for me to hold you back
Maybe to short or dumb
To cry for you but I will anyway
(Chorus)

It's all my fault
To feel this way for you that day
I know I am and I will
Though it's wrong, so wrong, so wrong…
(Chorus2)

Chorus:
Cause I need you here tonight
I need you here inside
Oh I need you here tonight
I really, really need you here tonight…Oh

Chorus2:
Cause I need you here tonight
I need you here inside
Oh I need you here tonight
I really, really need you here

Oh I need you, I need you
Oh I need you here inside
Oh I need you, I need you
I really, really need you here

Extreme crappiness...

2005-12-01T00:46:00.000+08:00

This morning started out as bad as it possibly could. What the heck was going on? It felt like Murphy's Law should have been named Tim's Law for this morning.

First of all, for some reason, my alarm had no effect. I woke up at almost 7 in the morning. My class starts at 7:30. After a hurried shower, I got my stuff together and by 7:30 ran out of the house. No breakfast for me. I was already riding the jeepney, already about 10 minutes away from the house, when all of a sudden, I realized that my ID card was nowhere to be found. There was no way to get into school without my ID, so I had to go back and look for it. After spending another 10 minutes going back and 5 minutes looking for the stupid thing, I was back on another jeepney and more than 20 minutes late already.

By the time I got to my class, I was 45 minutes late. I had no idea what was going on, my brain was really out of sync. Our teacher let us go about an hour early, then some of my classmates started scrounging around for paper for some reason. I forgot that we had an assignment to pass for the next period. Panicking, I tried to get it done as well. Well, no such luck for me, by the time my teacher got in, I was barely 1/5 finished. After a quick discussion about a problem in the assignment, he gave us a quiz. Wondering what else could go wrong, all I could do was sigh. At first I was happy because it felt like my brain was starting to function, but then when it came to the last part, I had nothing. I could feel the answer try to poke it's way out of my head, but it just wouldn't come. It was right there, ready to just burst out. But my brain picked the perfect time to have mental constipation. Damn it.

After our class ended, I decided to go play a round of DotA with some classmates. My luck seemed to be picking up. I was playing pretty well. Heck, I was close to dominating. We were minutes away from a win, but for some reason, I messed up. A wrong decision on my part cost us the whole game. Everything that can go wrong, will go wrong.

Thankfully, the rest of the day passed without any more disasters. What a load of crap this morning was. I was so frustrated. Let's hope this streak of bad luck has ended.

listening to: Sponge Cola - Crazy for You (Live)

You'll stay permanent...

2005-11-30T02:05:00.000+08:00

A New Tattoo
Urbandub

Great moments they pass by
If you're careless
Desperately trying to speak the words
I've been wanting to say for a long time
Tongue tied, every time I try to talk to you
In time, I'll find the right line

Caught a glimpse of you
I tremble every time you walk by
Hopelessly trying to find a way
To be near you, to get near you
In my mind, plays thoughts of you
All the time
I'll find the right line

I'll bleed for you
Like a new tattoo in my heart
You'll stay permanent

Am I too late now?
Will I find a way to get to you somehow?
She's breaking me down again
She's breaking me down

Nothing.

2005-11-29T04:00:00.000+08:00

No matter how perfect you try to be, what if it's never enough?

It will never be good enough, not when you're dealing with impossible odds. When you believe in what you're fighting for, no matter how impossible things might seem, you reason out that hope is all you need. But hope can only take you so far. Sometimes the heartache is just too much. Everyone has a limit.

You fight with every bone in your body.

Endure pain that no one should ever have to experience.

You cry the the most sorrowful tears.

Willingly make the hardest of sacrifices.

Pray the most sincere prayers.

What else is there to do?

When it seems it is your destiny to fail, nothing you do will ever be enough. God knows I tried, but I need to rest now.

You will always be loved. I promise.

Who? Me, a scholar?

2005-11-28T17:59:00.000+08:00

Looking back at when I first enrolled in Architecture, I was partly asking myself if it was a good idea. Sure, I loved the whole idea of designing buildings, doing drafting work and being artsy-fartsy in general, but I kept asking myself if it was something I would be good at. The doubts were numerous and the odds were stacked against me, but I took the risk and vowed to do my best.

The first few days/weeks were tough, but I knew deep inside that this was something that was meant to be. A love for this strange and mysterious course was developing inside of me. Despite the continuous trials, I knew that I found what I was looking for. As time went by, the feeling became stronger, the drive was growing and the results were showing.

Now, after one semester, I found out that my performance was good enough to garner a 100% scholarship. With a GPA of 92.00, it's pretty safe to say that I did pretty well. For the record, I'm very happy with this whole Architecture route my life is taking. I'm loving what I'm doing and I feel focused. This is the path God has put me on and I'm gonna take it.

listening to: Finch - A Song for You

Kalabasa Man

2005-11-25T10:51:00.000+08:00

With all that sneaking and jumping around in almost pitch-black darkness, don't you think it's amazing that ninja don't bump into shit all the time? Let me introduce you to one of our secret elite ninja skills. Be aware that the only reason why I can divulge this secret is because you have no chance of duplicating it (unless trained by some other elite ninja). There are some of us who are so highly trained that our eyesight is improved several degrees, allowing us to pretty much see in the dark. No need for night-vision goggles (although they do look cool when worn).

The wise Ninja Grandmaster, Masaaki Hatsumi felt it was important to start my training almost immediately after my birth. The moment I could start to eat semi-solid baby food, he gave specific instructions to my mother to feed me a strict diet consisting of vitamin-A rich winter squash, carrots and sweet potatoes. I used to remember my mom would say that squash was one of my favorite foods when I was a baby. Now I understand why. It was all in preparation for my life as a ninja.

In my younger days, I've always found it strange that I have extremely keen eyesight and the ability to notice very subtle details... A really far off roadsign, really small fine print, etc. After a while, I noticed my ability to see in low-light situations. I took advantage of this, especially during the time when I was really fond of reading. There was a point in time that I read everything I could get my hands on. Comics, Hardy Boys books, encyclopedias, Nintendo game manuals, whatever.

Usually, I wouldn't stop reading until I finished the whole book, or at least a considerable amount of it. That lead me to start reading under the covers with just a busted, old flashlight. Sometimes, either mom or dad would come in and find me up way past my bedtime and get pissed at me, telling me I'd mess up my eyes. When I wouldn't stop, they bought me a lamp to put near my bed.

Last night, I bought some supplies for my VisTech2 class. On the way home, I guess I dropped my brush, only noticing when upon my arrival at the house. I was pretty pissed off, but had other things to worry about. Anyway, about an hour later, I was walking through the dark back to the jeepney stop. To my surprise, I found my missing brush along the unpaved portion of the road. It was pretty amazing that I was still able to see it under those conditions.

Props to GM Masaaki Hatsumi, you the man! I'll be forever grateful.

listening to: Ice Cube - You Can Do It

Back in Black

2005-11-23T03:01:00.000+08:00

Felt some creative juice flowing, so I decided to try playing around with the template for my Blogspot blog. There's still alot I want to do, but it's a start. What do you guys think? Lemme know, leave a comment, please!

Anyway, off to bed for me!

listening to: Nature Sounds - Ocean Waves

Pushing the Limits

2005-11-22T16:58:00.000+08:00

Yesterday was hell.

Well, both Sunday and Monday would have been complete crap if not for Sunday's event (which I'll talk about later). Sunday morning, from midnight 'til around 5:30am, I couldn't sleep because I was excited about something and also because I had to finish my plate in Design 2. Well, I fell asleep at 5:30am, then woke up at 7:00am, I wanted to get my work done while I had time. I continued to work as I waited for Kay. So it was about 3:00pm that Kay arrived and I was able to take a long time-out.

At around 10am, I continued my work and didn't stop until around 6:30pm because I had to take a bath and get ready for class. That's right, no sleep for me, and on a Monday. Monday's are hell days. 7:30am until 7:30pm. When I got home I was exhausted. I had a quick dinner then fell asleep. Imagine, me, asleep at 8:30pm. I woke up at around 9 or 10 this morning. I spent most of the day in bed as well.

This is really bad. I don't know how I'm gonna survive 4 more years of this. Let's just hope that my schedule won't be as bad in the following semesters.

listening to: Fort Minor - Petrified

After 365 days...

2005-11-20T03:08:00.000+08:00

There are times you wish for something so badly that you'd hope and pray so hard for it. You do so despite the fact that fate gives you every indication that you'd be a fool to ever hope for that one thing to happen. Why would you continue to go on hoping when failure haunts your every step? Why do I continue to keep on hoping? Heck, I don't know.

It's difficult to describe the feeling that urges me to go on, that feeling that grips my very soul. Despite all the pain and tears, it gives you the will to fight for your dream. I couldn't imagine putting myself through this if I didn't truly desire for my dream to come true. Desire, love, passion... the fuel for a life well lived. I guess it applies to everything you do. Work, studying, relationships, sports... there has to be that feeling inside of you, that love for what you do.

Today is supposed to be a special day. I've been hoping it would still be special for the past few months now. As of now, it looks like a big maybe. Or we could just have ourselves a plain old shitty day, just like old times. Whatever.

listening to: Lost Prophets - Lucky You

My Weekend in Manila

2005-11-19T10:38:00.000+08:00

After my afternoon class on Friday, I had to head straight home in order to get my stuff for Manila. Adie and Mel picked me up at NAIA, then we proceeded to Glorietta to meet up with some of the other pROsins. As usual, we met in McCafe and chatted for quite a while before heading to Wendy's for a bite to eat. Then we hung out for a while, discussing stuff assassins discuss. Later that night Shabs let me crash at his place.

The next morning, I met up with Sam and we went to her house in Alabang for breakfast. After breakfast she picked out her outfit for the wedding before we left for Batangas. It was a two hour drive before we got there, spent reminiscing our college days and just catching up on stuff. The venue for the wedding was beautiful. It was set up next to an infinity pool overlooking the ocean. There were probably less than 100 people at the wedding, so it was just an intimate little gathering. The guests were in what Kevin called "formal beach attire", which for the guys meant: linen shirts, khakis and leather sandals. The ceremony itself was really short and sweet, the pastor was cool and shared alot of useful (and sometimes funny) points to Kevin and Anna.

Then we proceeded to the club house area for the reception. Again, it was really nice, not overly formal like most weddings. Throughout the reception, there was a slide show pictures of the couple. After dinner there were the typical reception "procedures" like the tossing of the bouquet and the slicing of the cake, but then they had a fun game where we would be grouped by table and had to answer some multiple choice trivia about Kevin and Anna. Our table was doing really well, but we ended up only getting 3rd place. Sam and I left the reception at around 9, it was another long drive back to Alabang. It was funny because we almost got lost twice along the way. Anyway, it was around 11:30 when we arrived at their house. Sam let me stay in their guest room for the night. Thoroughly exhausted, I went straight to bed.

The next morning, Sam dropped me off at Pancake House right near Alabang Town Center where I met up with Dein for breakfast. I totally binged that morning and had: blueberry pancakes, a perfect match meal (country sausages, hashbrowns, toast, scrambled eggs and hot tea), orange juice and a side order of bacon. Yum yum! Then we headed over to Dein's house where he showed me some funny StarWars stuff on his computer and I attempted to play Hitman 2 on his PS2 (I'll stick to the pc version,thank you). Then we went to the SM just a stone's throw away from their house and walked around until around 2:30, when Maan arrived from Tagaytay. We stopped by the American Boulevard shop and I picked up a bunch of novelty shirts. We spent quite a bit of time in the shop when I realized that I had to get to the airport and FAST! My check-in time was barely an hour away.

Dein and Maan helped me get a cab, telling the driver that I had to get to the airport lickety-split. He made like an F1 racer and got me there just in the nick of time. I sped to the check-in counter and the guy there told me that my flight would be delayed for about 2 hours. Ugh, what a load of crap. Anyway, I got a free dinner complements of PAL, and I waited for my flight. By 9 that night, I was out cold in my bed at home.

listening to: Lionel Richie - The Only One

Back to School again

2005-11-15T12:57:00.000+08:00

Wow, it's been a while again... Last week was kind of crazy, school started again and it threw me for a loop. My schedule is really weird, Mondays and Wednesdays are packed, Tuesdays and Thursdays are empty, Fridays are only half-days. Mondays are the worst. We start at 7:30am and get out at 7:30pm. I don't know how insane it's gonna get later on in the semester, especially with the major subjects. *shudders*

The environment has changed a bit, Section A and a large number of us from Section B were bunched together into one section. Anyway, most of my classmates are pretty cool, but there seem to be some people who don't get along with other people, but I guess that's how they are. On my part, I don't have any problem with any of my new classmates, so everything is ok for me.

Just yesterday, we got this week long project for Design 2, almost identical to our final exam, but with even more design requirements. We even have to make our own layout for the house, which is a first for us. I think I'm gonna collapse.

listening to: Thursday - Tomorrow I'll Be You

I have a new cousin!

2005-11-02T23:15:00.000+08:00

Before I forget! Ladies and gentlemen, lets all gather 'round and welcome Miss Carmela Isabel Sta. Ana into the world! She's my brand new baby cousin. Born just this Halloween, at 6:02 PM, she's a healthy 6 lbs. 15 oz. and 50 cm long. She's a big girl!

Congratulations to my tito Boy and tita Sharlene for the new addition to the family!

listening to: The Used - Let It Bleed

Heading to Manila

2005-11-02T21:15:00.000+08:00

Ok, it's confirmed. I'll be going to Manila on the 11th of November. My comrade and fellow Kink, Kevin, is gonna get married! It's been a while since we've seen each other, so I'm really excited to head over there.

He says the wedding attire is "formal beachwear". That stumped me, then he continued to explain that I should wear khakis, leather sandals and a linen shirt. Hehe, sounds interesting.

Anyway, I'll be arriving on the 11th, and I'll head out to Batangas with Sam on Saturday afternoon for the wedding. Then I leave for Bacolod on Sunday afternoon.

listening to: Tupac Shakur - To Live and Die in LA

The Mystery of Morning Wood

2005-10-31T12:30:00.000+08:00

Ok, from the title itself, you know this is gonna be a weird entry. Kids, go play for a while.

It's one of the mysteries of the universe... What causes morning wood? According to this article, guys have several erections during their sleep cycle. Sometimes we wake up smack dab in the middle of one, and voila! Morning wood. Morning wood is a normal occurance and is nothing to worry about. However, it's very difficult to pee in the morning when you have an erection, and I usually have to go really bad when I wake up.

Morning wood is a strange phenomenon to me. There are different levels of, uhm, woodiness... from semi-hard to flat out super boner. My guess is that it probably has something to do with what time you wake up or how awesome your dream was. There are times where you wake up, notice your boner and go, "Holy crap! That must've been some dream!" Next thing on your mind would probably be what you're gonna do with it. You can just stare at it and wait for it to go away, or you can... well, that's basically up to you and how imaginative you can be. If you're lucky, you can ask the person next to you if they can help you out.

For all the ladies out there who don't know about morning wood, now you know. This is just in case you might wake up next to your partner one morning and bitch slap him or something just because he accidentally pokes you. Don't worry about it, it doesn't mean he's a horny pervert (maybe). Most likely, it's just morning wood.

listening to: The Pussycat Dolls - Don't Cha feat. Busta Rhymes

Enjoying Sem Break

2005-10-29T13:27:00.001+08:00

During the weekend, I went on an outing with some of my classmates to Soleo Beach out in San Enrique. That's about an hour away from Bacolod. There were only 8 of us: Me, Brad, Dawn, Harvey, Jonalyn, KZ, Henry and Nikko. We were expecting a whole lot more, but lots of people couldn't make it.

Anyway, after waiting all morning, we left for San Enrique around 1pm. It was a quick 1 hour ride. When we got to the beach, we were lucky enough to score a cottage right away. We immediately hooked up the speakers and my mp3 player, then got straight to business, a late lunch. While the food was being prepared, Nikko went skimboarding and I took a few shots.

After eating, we all relaxed for a bit, played cards, listened to music. Then we went out to the water for a quick dip, which then turned into a sand/mud war. I got hit in the head a few times and spent most of the afternoon spitting sand out of my mouth. The sun was setting when we finally went back and got ready for dinner. It was then that we found out there was no more rice. We had to go out and buy some more, where we found out that there wasn't any rice available! We ended up having to buy some from one of the locals, but we had to wait for it to be cooked first. It wasn't until 9 that we were able to eat.

When dinner was done, we all stayed in and started telling ghost stories. After a while we started drinking and playing Truth or Dare. Actually, it was more like Truth or Truth, and only KZ, Nikko and I were drinking at first. We each drew a card and whoever had the lowest card got the question. Then sometime later, we added that whoever got the lowest card had to take a shot as well. This went on for the rest of the night, lots of secrets being uncovered, lots of gin being drunk.

The next morning greeted me with a brain-numbing hangover. I decided to stick to playing cards the rest of the morning. Nikko and Harvey had to go home early in the morning, so there were only 6 of us left. Anyway, we just hung out for the rest of the morning, then had brunch. A while later, Arvin appeared out of nowhere and joined us. We were planning to go swimming but we got booted out of the cottage. (Seems we forgot about the 12 o'clock check-out.)

Not really having any other alternative, we made our way home. When I got home, I realized how many mosquitoes bit me. I was literally covered in bites. Ouch. But that was last on my mind when I collapsed on my bed.

listening to: Hale - Here Tonight

Groggy...

2005-10-25T03:07:00.000+08:00

Will post something in the near future. Brain is soup right now. Sorry.

Now where were we again?

2005-10-22T00:53:00.000+08:00

Masskara is finally over. Sem break has officially started for me. This would most likely mean that I'll have time to blog again. I've been wanting to get back on track for quite a while now.

Kay and I just came home from watching the Hale concert in USLS. The sound system was pretty bad, and the whole time they were on stage there was something needing to be adjusted. There was this one stage hand scrambling all over the place adjusting amps, replacing broken guitar strings, etc etc. However, the band still performed really well. The crowd was still really into it and most of us were singing along. As expected, the girls were going crazy over Champ (the lead guitar and vocalist). They were flooding the front area of the stage, creating a sea of screaming females and semi-females.

They went through most of the songs in their album and it was really great to hear them play my favorites. Broken Sonnet, Kahit Pa, Kung Wala Ka, Runaway, Here Tonight and of course The Day You Said Goodnight. The last song they played was Kahit Pa, but they surprised the crowd by starting off with the intro to Bamboo's Hallelujah.

All in all, despite all the technical problems, it was still a decent concert. At the end, Roll, who plays the lead guitar, sarcastically thanked the sound system. Any bands coming to Bacolod, I wouldn't recommend Perfect Pitch.

listening to: Thursday - War All the Time

I'm Back!

2005-10-17T11:00:00.000+08:00

It's been a while since my last blog entry. Things have been pretty crazy lately. Where to start? Hmm...

Well, the past 2 weeks have been exam weeks. The first week was spent working on our Design 1 exam. It was hell. Imagine the frustration of trying to work on a 3 sheet drafting plate for 4 days straight, and for the first 3 days you had no actual output. I had so much trouble just starting on my work. Then the second to the last day, I finally started getting things done, just to find out at the end of the day that everything was wrong. A minor mistake with my measurements in the beginning messed up the whole plate. So I had to start over again. On the final day of submission, I worked my ass off, but due to time constraints, I was unable to finish. Anyway, I was somewhere around 85% done. The best I can hope for is a passing grade.

The next week was a bit better. On Monday, most of us worked on our Visual Tech. plates. It was a bodyscape on one side and a human muscular structure on the other side. Drawing the naked human body was an interesting final exam. The drawings took me a whole afternoon to work on, but there were no major problems. I was exempted in my Graphics and Math1 exams, then I'm pretty sure I aced my Math2 exam. So it was a good week.

It's Masskara time here in Bacolod, so we decided to try our luck at putting up a booth during the festivities. We're selling beer and barbeque and stuff. It's been a unique experience, we all had alot to learn. Nothing bad has happened, thank God for that. After all this, I don't know if I'd wanna do this again next year, but we'll just see.

I've ended up wasted a few nights, drinking with my classmates. It actually felt pretty good to loosen up after all the stress lately. It's finally sem break time! FREEEEEEEEEEEEEDOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!

listening to: The Used - The Taste of Ink

Breakfast at McDonalds

2005-10-02T00:58:00.000+08:00

Here's something I read from one of my friend's bulletins. A nice read.

BREAKFAST AT MCDONALDS

I am a mother of three (ages 14, 12, 3) and have recently completed my college degree. The last class I had to take was Sociology. The teacher was absolutely inspiring with the qualities that I wish every human being had been graced with.Her last project of the term was called Smile. The class was asked to go out and smile at three people and document their reactions. I am a very friendly person and always smile at everyone and say hello anyway, so, I thought this would be a piece of cake, literally.

Soon after we were assigned the project, my husband, youngest son, and I went out to McDonalds one crisp March morning. It was just our way of sharing special play time with our son. We were standing in line, waiting to be served, when all of a sudden everyone around us began to back away, and then even my husband did. I did not move an inch... an overwhelming feeling of panic welled up inside of me as I turned to see why they had moved.

As I turned around I smelled a horrible dirty body smell, and there standing behind me were two poor homeless men. As I looked down at the short gentleman, close to me, he was smiling. His beautiful sky blue eyes were full of Gods Light as he searched for acceptance. He said, Good day as he counted the few coins he had been clutching. The second man fumbled with his hands as he stood behind his friend. I realized the second man was mentally challenged and the blue eyed gentleman was his salvation. I held my tears as I stood there with them.

The young lady at the counter asked him what they wanted. He said, Coffee is all Miss because that was all they could afford. (If they wanted to sit in the restaurant and warm up, they had to buy something. He just wanted to be warm).

Then I really felt it - the compulsion was so great I almost reached out and embraced the little man with the blue eyes. That is when I noticed all eyes in the restaurant were set on me, judging my every action. I smiled and asked the young lady behind the counter to give me two more breakfast meals on a separate tray. I then walked around the corner to the table that the men had chosen as a resting spot. I put the tray on the table and laid my hand on the blue eyed gentlemans cold hand. He looked up at me, with tears in his eyes, and said, Thank you..

I leaned over, began to pat his hand and said, I did not do this for you. God is here working through me to give you hope. I started to cry as I walked away to join my husband and son. When I sat down my husband smiled at me and said, That is why God gave you to me, Honey. To give me hope. We held hands for a moment and at that time we knew that only because of the Grace that we had been given were we able to give.

We are not church goers, but we are believers. That day showed me the pure Light of Gods sweet love.I returned to college, on the last evening of class, with this story in hand. I turned in my project and the instructor read it. Then she looked up at me and said, Can I share this? I slowly nodded as she got the attention of the class.

She began to read and that is when I knew that we as human beings and being part of God, share this need to heal people and to be healed. In my own way I had touched the people at McDonalds, my husband, son, instructor, and every soul that shared the classroom on the last night I spent as a college student. I graduated with one of the biggest lessons I would ever learn:

UNCONDITIONAL ACCEPTANCE.

Much love and compassion is sent to each and every person who may read this and learn how to LOVE PEOPLE AND USE THINGS - NOT LOVE THINGS AND USE PEOPLE.

Holy cow... Spooky!

2005-09-29T20:03:00.000+08:00

Here's a great way to waste a bit of time. It really spooked me out when I got the results!

http://www.crush007.com/love.cgi?id=1127988937spc

listening to: Yellowcard - Breathing

And it just doesn't stop...

2005-09-29T12:10:00.000+08:00

Some guys just can't get a break, can they?

Yesterday, I slipped while going to the bathroom. What, it's not bad enough that my knee is already messed up after years of abuse? It has to get messed up even more? The fall slammed my knee against the tiles and scraped it up pretty bad. Sheeeet man. I couldn't get up for around 5 minutes. Then I limped back up to my room and let the profanities fly around for a while.

I'm on a roll baby!

listening to: Foo Fighters - Monkeywrench

Just one of those days.

2005-09-27T19:05:00.000+08:00

Right now I wonder why I even bothered to get out of bed this morning. It would have been safer and less taxing to just hide in the safety of my bed. Obviously, today was a shitty day. I don't have the energy to go into all the details, here's a quick list of some of the crap I've been wading through today.

You know it's a shitty day when...
• for no apparent reason, your computer decides not to turn on.
• you wear a hoodie because it's raining HARD, then after you get drenched, the sun decides to go full power.
• even your pencil sharpener doesn't want to cooperate.
• you set your alarm for 11 am, and you wake up at noon.
• the teacher starts giving bonuses to your other classmates, but gives huge deductions on your scores for minimal mistakes.
• you get to class on time, but the only drafting tables left have crooked edges.
• you should've been able to go home at 3:45, but end up leaving at 6:30.

That's just a sample. The shit was dropping by the bucket earlier. But there were a few shining moments. Some inspirational texts from friends (Thank you so much!) and some upperclassmen helped me out with my Design 1 plate. On a scale of 1-10 for shittiness, today was a 9.

listening to: Saosin - Seven Years

In your eyes...

2005-09-18T23:20:00.000+08:00

I Caught Fire
The Used

Seemed to stop my breath
My head on your chest
Waiting to cave in
From the bottom of my...
Here your voice again
Can we dim the sun..
And wonder where we've been.

Maybe you and me so..
Kiss me like you did
My heart stopped beating
Such a softer sin.

I'm Melting.. I'm Melting

(Chorus)
In your eyes..
I lost my place
Could stay a while
And I’m melting
In your eyes..
Like my first time
That I caught fire
Just stay with me, lay with me now.

Never caught my breath
Every second I’m without you, I’m a mess
Ever know each other
Trust these words are stones
Why cuts aren't healing?
Learning how to love
I'm melting, I'm melting

(Chorus)
Stay with me, lay with me now.

You can stay and watch me fall
And of course I’ll ask for...

(Background Scream) Help......

Just stay with me now
We can take our pants off, stay in bed
Just make love, that's all
Just stay with me now

I'm melting, I'm melting

(Chorus x2)
(Background on 2nd Chorus) Stay with me, lay with me

In your eyes
Let's sleep till the sun burns out
I'm melting in your eyes
I'm melting in your eyes
Let's sleep till the sun burns out
I'm melting in your eyes

Three Cheers for Sweet Revenge

2005-09-18T15:27:00.000+08:00

The Ghost of You
My Chemical Romance

I never said I’d lie in wait forever
If I died, we'd be together now
I can’t always just forget her
But she could try

At the end of the world
Or the last thing I see
You are never coming home
Never coming home
Could I, should I
And all the things that you never ever told me
And all the smiles that are ever, ever, ever

Get the feeling that you’re never
All alone and I remember now
At the top of my lungs, in my arms she dies
She dies

At the end of the world
Or the last thing I see
You are never coming home
Never coming home
Could I, should I
And all the things that you never ever told me
And all the smiles that are ever gonna haunt me
Never coming home
Never coming home
Could I, should I
And all the wounds that are ever gonna scar me
For all the ghosts that are never gonna catch me

If I fall
If I fall (down)

At the end of the world
Or the last thing I see
You are never coming home
Never coming home
Never coming home
Never coming home
And all the things that you never ever told me
And all the smiles that are ever gonna haunt me
Never coming home
Never coming home
Could I, should I
And all the wounds that are ever gonna scar me
For all the ghosts that are never gonna

Here we go again...

2005-09-16T01:36:00.000+08:00

Ok, for the 1 or 2 people who actually read this, you're probably sick and tired of me and my nonstop barrage of melodrama. But bear with me, I have nothing else, nowhere else to go.

In the past, whenever I couldn't fall asleep, I'd play this special playlist on my winamp. It's a collection of sounds of the ocean and chirping birds. Whenever that'd play, I'd be out in less than 5 minutes.

After lying in bed for the past 30 minutes with my eyes closed, it's obvious that this is gonna be another one of those nights. So I tried the list again. Nothing. Sleep won't come easily anymore. Prayer after prayer, night after night, begging for at least a single night's rest, go unheard. Just what is God trying to tell me here?

My eyebags are terrible. My stubble is getting longer from not having enough time to shave. Tomorrow will start off without any desire or energy to get out of bed. Well why should I? Oh yeah, I've got an exam in less than 6 hours. Yippie. This should be interesting.

Fuck. Back to my bed. Maybe I'll have better luck this time.

Running out of gas

2005-09-15T23:07:00.000+08:00

It's getting harder and harder to find reasons to smile nowadays. The past few weeks have been really tough on me... physically, emotionally and mentally. It's all taking its toll on me, bit by bit. I seriously don't know how much more I can take. What does a guy have to do to get a break around here? Prayer is the only source of sanctuary.

A few weeks ago, stuff like this would just bounce off me like bullets off of Superman, but there's a big dose of kryptonite sapping away all my energy. Or maybe it's the other way around... Maybe it's my source of energy that's missing. Whatever.

The past few days I've been forcing myself to get out of bed. Mind and body are unwilling to go on, but for some reason I've been able to make it to school to take my exams. What a major slump I'm in. What I wouldn't give for a nice escape. A good old vacation. Just something to reboot my system. Yeah right. Wishful thinking.

It seems this merry-go-round of an ordeal is far from winding itself down. All I can hope to do is brace myself and hold on for as long as possible.

listening to: Tupac - Keep Your Head Up

When it rains...

2005-09-14T01:49:00.000+08:00

Things just continue to go wrong for me this week. It's getting really hard to roll with the punches dealt. How the hell should you face a shitstorm of epic proportions? Don't ask me. I just find myself fortunate enough to still be standing.

The drafting board that had me so excited last week? It's side isn't straight, so it's pointless to use it for drafting. It'd have to be fixed before it can be used. The Math2 exam on Friday? I thought I aced it. Turns out I had a massive mistake which cost me a huge number of points. Stupidity at it's best.

Saturday I went home to spend time with my little sis. It was ok and all, had lots of fun, but for some reason, mosquitos decided to feast on me while I was home. So now there are bites all over my body. Sunday afternoon, I went back home. We played a bit of badminton outside the house, just fooling around. There was one time that I accidentally scraped my racket against the concrete. Now there's a big scratch along the edge. Damn it. That night, Kay and I had dinner so we could talk, but there were too many distractions.

On Monday, we met mom and dad at the airport. Instead of a Shuffle, they bought me a Creative Zen Nano Plus. It's ok, has alot of features I don't need, and has a LCD, and uses a AAA battery. It has 1 Gb of space, but I don't really need all that. The sound quality has alot to be desired though. According to the sites that I've checked out, the Shuffle has better sound quality, so I'm disappointed. Can't do anything about it. Beggars can't be choosers.

Monday was even worse because there was a transport strike. Classes were supposed to be cancelled, but LCC still continued. I thought I'd be able to go home after going to the airport. Tough Luck. So I had attend Design1 at 7:30, had to take an exam in Math1, and found out my grade in my Math2 exam. The worst part was the weather. It was so damn hot. I felt like I could fry an egg on my head, add to that the fact that I had so much stuff to carry. My sweat was pouring by the bucketload. When I went home for lunch, there were NO jeepneys. I had to spend 10x more because I had to take a taxi. Then I had to go back for my class at 5:30, there was no way for me to get back. What a crock of shit.

That night we played badminton. It was probably the worst I've played since I started. Nothing was going right for me. I did improve my smash a little, but over-all, I played like shit. Now my wrist hurts like hell and my whole body is sore.

Today, I woke up so late. Had to skip breakfast/lunch so that I could get to class on time. Then I found out that I made ANOTHER careless mistake in my Graphics1 plate last Thursday. Instead of a perfect score, I had to settle for much less. Then I went home and just collapsed.

This is getting so tiring. The whole week my insomnia's been draining me of even more energy. God, please help me. I don't know how much more I can take.

listening to: Incubus - I Miss You (Acoustic)

Semi-shitty Day

2005-09-09T16:16:00.000+08:00

What, you ask, is a semi-shitty day? Well, first of all, a shitty day is just a day that's gone straight down the crapper. Everything goes wrong and nothing can save it from its eternal shittiness but an act of God. A semi-shitty day, on the other hand, is pretty much a day that's really close to shitty, but something good can happen to prevent it from becoming 100% shitty.

Today is a semi-shitty day. Borderline shitty, if you ask me. Even before it started, it was destined for shittiness. I had another lousy night's sleep. It's getting impossible to sleep when needed. Then I woke up late, so no breakfast for me. Then I had to rush to school so I could finish my Design plate. My brain just wasn't working. I was just staring at the plate, trying to figure out a design for the bedroom furniture we needed to draw. It took much longer than expected, so we had to go straight to our next class.

Math1 wasn't so bad, but by the time we got out, hunger and exhaustion were taking thier toll on me. There were 2 hours before my next class, so I decided to go home and eat. On the way there, it felt as if my body was drifting away. Have you ever been so tired and hungry that it felt like you were going to collapse? That's how I felt. The energy was just gone. I was a walking corpse. Thank God I made it to the house. There was a nice big breakfast waiting for me, so I ate and ate and ate. It was just what the doctor ordered. Too bad I had to rush back to school to take a test. So a few minutes after finishing my meal, I had to go straight back.

When I got back to school, things were pretty normal. However, it just so happened that the quiz was actually an Exam. It also turns out that the problems weren't as simple as expected. I spent the whole period trying to figure out just how to answer them. Fortunately for me, I was able to figure out what to do in the last 5 minutes of the class. Another disaster averted.

Anyway, I guess I've been lucky today... I'm gonna try to just rest here at home and let the day end peacefully.

listening to: Incubus - Echo

Good and Bad News

2005-09-08T09:22:00.000+08:00

Uhm, first the good news. Yesterday, I was able to buy a drafting board for me to use here in the house. Now there's no worry whenever we have take-home Drafting plates or Design plates, because now I can get my work done here instead of having to find an unoccupied table at school.

And lookie here, there's a Design plate for me to work on for Friday. Work work work.

The bad news... two of the puppies died. One guy and one gal.

listening to: 50 Cent - 21 Questions

Old School

2005-09-08T09:12:00.000+08:00

Before I start... Yes, I know I've been avoiding a certain topic, but I don't really know what to say or how to explain it. There's no definite outcome yet, so I might as well just not say anything.

The other night, JM asked me what the title was for Snoop's song that goes: "Ain't nuthin but a G thang, baby..." At first I was scratching my head because I forgot already. It's been a while since that song's been played on my playlists. So after a quick search of my mp3s, we found out that it's title is Nuthin' but a G Thang, duh...

After that, I realized most of my playlists these past months (years?) were composed of alternative and other rock songs. So I've been digging through my mp3s and making a pure rap playlist. Damn, I miss listening to 2pac, Coolio, Dre, Snoop, Biggie, Ice Cube, Bone Thugs, Busta Rhymes and the like. So, yeah, there's a new playlist for me to listen to whenever I'm in that kinda mood.

Yesterday, after coming back from school at around 2, there was no gas left in my tank. I collapsed on my bed and was out all afternoon and all night. I just remember getting up for dinner, then after that I was just in bed texting Kay the rest of the night. After that, I fell asleep again and the next thing I knew, it was morning already. The night before all that, I couldn't sleep at all. My body clock must be fucked up even more than I first thought, this insomnia thing's got me so drained.

listening to: 2pac - Life Goes On

100% Effective Family Planning Technique

2005-09-06T01:36:00.000+08:00

Here's a link to JM's blog about Family Planning. Makes alot of sense, actually. Try it peeps!

Family Planning WARNING, NOT SAFE FOR WORK!

listening to: Snoop Dogg - Nuthin' but a G Thang feat. Dr. Dre

Back to School

2005-09-06T01:07:00.000+08:00

It's been a week and a half since the last time we had class in LCC. The last time I went to school was on Wednesday, August 24. That was a looong time ago. First it was practice for the sportsfest, then the actual sportsfest last week, then we didn't have class yesterday so that we could rest from the sportsfest. That's a long-ass vacation.

Anyway, it's good that things are getting back to normal. Now I can force myself to sleep earlier and get back in the schooling "groove". It's good to keep my mind active, keep the neurons nice and warm.

So what else has been happening? Well, the Shuffle fund is still non existant. People still owe me money up to now and until they pay, the Shuffle is only a dream. GIVE ME MY MONEY, BIATCHEZ!

Last week I got a racket for badminton. It's a Gosen Ti Ultralite 1200. Actually, I didn't have any basis on how to pick out a racket, so I just based it on the price and how light the racket was. Anyway, it's really light and the price was pretty cheap, P850. After that, I bought an overgrip for P50 and a new GUT (string) for P140. Then having the GUT put in cost another P70. Well, I didn't spend for the racket itself, dad bought it for me because he thought it was a good idea for me to get into some sort of physical activity.

Mom and dad, Tito Paul and Tita Lourdes are going to Singapore this week with Tita Vic. She will be recieving an award on behalf of the Laura Vicuña Foundation for being the best NGO in Asia. The foundation helps out street children and other less fortunate peeps.

Well, time for me to hit the sack. School school school tomorrow!

listening to: Good Charlotte - We Believe

Ninja and Badminton?

2005-09-04T00:53:00.000+08:00

Ok, don't laugh.

These past few days we've been heading over to the local badminton courts. At first, I was reluctant to try. Sports aren't my thing, that's quite obvious to everyone who knows me. Physical activity does not suit me well, seeing as how my eye-hand coordination is shot to hell and my clumsiness is top notch.

So what finally convinced me to go for it? Maybe because Kay was also starting to play. Maybe because everyone in the house was getting into it. Maybe because I was just really sick of sitting on my ass all the time. Maybe it was a way for me to get my mind off things. All I know is that one day they were just playing in the yard and I joined in. For some reason, it felt really good to smash the crap out of the shuttlecock.

Ok, lets not draw any conclusions here. I didn't say I was any good, so don't expect me to be any sort of expert. Usually I'd be flailing my racket wildly and would be lucky just to hit the thing. Anyhoo, I do find the game fun and it's a way to get that much needed exercise.

listening to: Coheed and Cambria - A Favor House Atlantic

Broken Biological Clock

2005-09-02T19:01:00.000+08:00

For some strange reason, my biological clock has been going haywire lately. I sleep at around 1 in the morning, which is earlier than usual. But then I wake up in the middle of the night, usually around 4 then can't fall asleep again until an hour later. That makes me wake up later than normal, sometimes around 8 or 9 in the morning. During school days, that would mean certain death, since MWF classes start at 7:30. It doesn't end there. Even at that point, my body just won't seem to move and I fall asleep again. This morning I was out cold until 1 in the afternoon. Now that is just messed up.

If my body clock doesn't adjust by Monday I'm dead meat.

listening to: Yellowcard - Gifts and Curses

More Puppy Pics!

2005-09-01T10:32:00.000+08:00

Puppies everywhere!

2005-09-01T01:30:00.000+08:00

10 little doberman puppies! 7 guys and 3 gals. I still haven't gotten a pic of the 10 of them together because Lyka's been feeding them nonstop the past few hours, but I'll have some more pics later. These little guys are so awesome!

listening to: My Chemical Romance - Helena

We're having Puppies!

2005-08-31T14:57:00.000+08:00

Lyka, our doberman, is currently giving birth! As of now there are 3 guys and 3 gals. We've named them after the heroes in DotA.

-Rikimaru
-Rylai
-Akasha
-Lina
-Leoric
-Sven

We've got pics and videos, they'll be posted once Lyka's done being a puppy factory. More updates later!

listening to: Lost Prophets - Shinobi vs. Dragon Ninja

The Truth

2005-08-30T16:09:00.000+08:00

There are lots of people out there who are reading this blog and don't know the entire story behind what's happening between me and Kay. The situation is not what you'd expect and some people might actually start to think that Kay is a bad person. That's the last thing I want to happen, she doesn't deserve that. I love her, no matter what her choice will be. So here's the lowdown of what's really happening.

That night when we were talking by the pool in November, Kay still had a boyfriend. During that time he was in Japan with his band. He was gone around a month and for that whole stretch of time, didn't contact her. This was more or less what happened all the time between them. That's where I came in, for the past few years, I would be her cactus, listening to her and giving advice. That night beside the pool, I couldn't take it anymore and let her know how I felt. That I'd never let anything like that happen to her if she was with me. That I couldn't stand sitting there watching her get hurt anymore. So, I got my chance to prove it, knowing full well that she was still in love with the other guy.

During that time, I did my best to always be there for her, to try and give her the love that I felt she deserved. Maybe along the way she fell in love with me too, maybe not. What was important to me was that she'd be happy. If one day she'd love me more than I knew she loved him, then I felt things might have a happy ending.

Some time in late February, he came back to Bacolod. If I had a blog back then, odds are that we'd have a posting flurry similar to this one. I was a real mess back then, but then I was blessed enough that she stayed with me. So I thought my ordeal was over, but deep inside there was always that fear that he might resurface. For the moment though, he was off to Manila.

For the first time in a long time, I was happy again. Kay is such a wonderful person and brings so much out of me, so I tried to be the same for her. We'd argue a few times, but no other major problems really arose. However I could always feel the underlying presence of the other guy. It was quite obvious that she was still not over him.

So skip to present day, and that's the situation I face now. She went to Manila to go talk to him. I hope no one judges Kay for what's happening, I took a risk back then and this is what happens when you take risks. I love her, always will. No matter what. I just hope she'll be happy.

listening to: My Chemical Romance - The Ghost of You

Jules is a bad motherfucker

2005-08-30T12:01:00.000+08:00

I just watched Pulp Fiction a while ago. Here is the line from the Bible Jules' says before he blows people away:

"The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon you."
Ezekiel 25:17

Later on in the diner scene, he goes on to say:
I been sayin' that shit for years. And if you ever heard it, it meant your ass. I never really questioned what it meant. I thought it was just a cold-blooded thing to say to a motherfucker 'fore you popped a cap in his ass. But I saw some shit this mornin' made me think twice. Now I'm thinkin', it could mean you're the evil man. And I'm the righteous man. And Mr. .45 here, he's the shepherd protecting my righteous ass in the valley of darkness. Or it could be you're the righteous man and I'm the shepherd and it's the world that's evil and selfish. I'd like that. But that shit ain't the truth. The truth is you're the weak. And I'm the tyranny of evil men. But I'm tryin'. I'm tryin' real hard to be a shepherd.

listening to: The Used - Buried Myself Alive

Wearing it on my sleeve

2005-08-30T09:40:00.000+08:00

Seems my blog has changed in its overall mood the past few posts. What an understatement. It's done a complete backflip if you ask me. A few friends commented that it might be best to lessen the melancholy. If only it were that easy for me to just pretend that things are alright. My heart is always on my sleeve. If I'm angry, happy, sad, suicidal, horny, drunk, sick, gassy, or whatever... you'll know about it.

When I first started this blog, I promised myself to always be honest with my feelings. One day, I'll want to look back on my life and try to piece together why it would be the way it is. That's what most blogs are for, right? To keep a record of your experiences. For every significant moment there will be a corresponding post.

So if you see that my blog is becoming a "fuck this life" shade of black, well, that's exactly how I feel. If I post that I've been barely able to sleep the past 5 days and woke up each morning just to start crying, well, that's true as well.

listening to: Kanye West - Jesus Walks

Waiting in Vain?

2005-08-28T23:55:00.000+08:00

Ok, the paranoia has totally overcome me. What if she's really not coming back? What if she just decided to run off? What if she doesn't love me? Everything feels so wrong. It's as if hope is withering away and is being replaced with a deep emptiness in my soul. It just hurts so bad. It feels like my heart is going to explode. My breath is shallow and ragged. What did I do to deserve this? God, what more do you want from me?

listening to: the beating of my heart.

My heart is a punching bag.

2005-08-28T22:02:00.000+08:00

Attended a wedding today, nothing spectacular to tell about it. It's probably redundant to mention that my current mood is not the most appropriate for a wedding. Mr. Gloom Incarnate is probably the least welcome person at most festive occasions.

The reception, on the other hand, was a different story. It was held in Palmas del Mar, the same resort where my Tita Faith's birthday was held. Yep, that's where Kay became my girlfriend. The moment they reminded me that it was going to be held there, I thought to myself, "Kill me now."

After eating, I walked to the spot where we talked that night. I started reminiscing... That night, we were sitting by a moonlit pool on the other side of the resort, which was empty for some reason. We spent the night just talking and talking and talking.

Later on, I walked over to the area of the resort that was overlooking the ocean. We were there on the afternoon of Valentine's Day, there was a spot where we sat and watched the sun set. It was such a happy moment for me back then. Just being with the woman I love on Valentine's Day...

That's when the real world bitch-slapped me back to my senses. I just sat there, watching the sun go down by myself. The ocean breeze grew stronger for a while, causing me to shiver and convinced me to walk back to where the reception was being held.

listening to: Incubus - Wish You Were Here

Infinitely Looping .gif

2005-08-28T12:21:00.000+08:00

I know how this guy feels. Stuck in an endless loop of anguish and suffering. Killed savagely then brought back to life again just to go through that same exact ordeal once again.

What's funny is that he's inflicting it upon himself...

Trying to be Productive

2005-08-27T17:43:00.000+08:00

I don't know how many people really give a shit, but I've been working on a layout for this blog. It's rather simple right now and still doesn't have a banner for the top, but heck, in my opinion it's coming along quite nicely. Please leave a comment on the design. If you don't want to, then don't. =p

Constructive criticism only, please.

Inner demons

2005-08-27T16:50:00.000+08:00

There have been several times in my life where the person looking back at me in the mirror looked weak and pathetic. A voice inside would taunt me and make me want to release all the rage that's been building up after all these years. It would tell me to do evil things, to stop being such a doormat. It would tell me that it's ok to hurt the people who hurt me. The darkness in my soul wanted me to just let loose and become something others would fear.

There were a few times where the anger inside just couldn't be held back anymore and I'd just lose control. I'd drink until the pain and rage would consume me. The closest target I could find would be on the recieving end of a world of hurt. Most of the time, it would be a wall, punching bag or something similar. Sometimes it would be myself. The demon would push me until I couldn't take anymore. Until all I had the strength to do was fall to my knees and break down and cry. In the wake of all the destruction would be a bloody and regretful ninja.

That was me a long time ago. The last time I remember doing anything like that was around 2 years ago. After that, I refused to ever give in to those forces again. I told myself that I'm a good person, that I don't need to become something I hate. For the most part, it's been rather peaceful lately. But with what's happening right now, I can feel those voices starting to whisper to me again...

Emotional Lottery

2005-08-26T20:23:00.000+08:00

She knows I love her, that I'd always love her and take care of her, but would it be enough for her to stay?

Kay is in Manila, taking time off from our relationship in order to evaluate what her true feelings are for me. Of course, there are several other factors involved, but I really don't want to go into it right now. It might further add to my depression. Those who are already familiar with my situation, well, let's just say that the biggest problem in our relationship hasn't been taken care of yet. I thought it was over with, but I thought wrong.

I've been trying to keep a positive outlook, but it hurts so bad. It feels like my chest is crushing my heart, and my stomach is doing backflips. It feels as if all the sunshine has been sucked out of my sky and has been replaced with my own personal rain cloud (like in the cartoons). All I can do right now is pray as hard as I can that God won't take her away from me.

So now this ninja gets to play the waiting game. If everything goes the way I pray to God they would, then it would be like I won the Emotional Lottery. I get to stay with the love of my life and be happy. If not, let's just say that this will turn into one of those sad blogs that JM mentioned in his blog.

To everyone asking why I haven't shared this earlier, I just couldn't put it into words. Posting it in my blog is the best I can do. Every time I think about it, the tears well up and I turn into a pathetic mess. I don't know what I'd do without her in my life...

Return of the G3

2005-08-25T13:09:00.000+08:00

My Canon Powershot G3 is back after being out of commission for the past 7 months. For some reason, it broke while in the studio. The lens wouldn't extend anymore and therefore the whole camera was turned into a fancy paperweight with an LCD monitor. According to the Canon repair guy, the main PCB had a short. How that happened... I don't know.

Anyway, after paying P10,500 for the replacement of the PCB, my camera is back to it's original sexiness.

Gotta have Faith...

2005-08-24T23:16:00.000+08:00

I'm just telling myself that everything will be ok. If you put your trust in God and lift up your problems to him, you wouldn't ever have to worry. He'll take care of you.

Opposite ends of the emotional spectrum...

2005-08-23T23:56:00.000+08:00

It's amazing how your mood can change in an instant. Sometimes life just throws you the most unexpected curve balls.

Last week was exam week again. I was in really high spirits starting Monday because I had my Math 1 exam and aced it, my midterm grade would be over 100% if that were possible. In Math 2, I made a minor mistake but my midterm grade still managed to end up a 98.98%. The biggest reason for me to smile arrived on Tuesday when I found out that I was exempted from my Graphics 1 exam, that meant I got an automatic 95 for my midterm exam. I was thanking God for giving me such blessings.

However, it made me careless. I was supposed to work on my take-home exam in Design 1, a floor plan of the 1st floor of a house, which was due on Wednesday morning. I worked on it, and could have finished it, but fell asleep at 3 in the morning.

When I woke up, it was already 7:30 AM. My plate was due 7:30 AM. I rushed to school hoping that our instructor would give us some time to finish it, but when I arrived, my classmates were all scribbling frantically on a written exam. I attempted to answer the exam, quite hopelessly, then after the exam I found out that we all had to pass our take-home part of the exam... finished or not.

Bummer.

9 is supposed to be lucky, right?

2005-08-20T00:00:00.000+08:00

For the Chinese, the character for the number nine, pronounced as 'Jiu', implies 'everlasting', especially in friendship and marriage.

Hey there peeps, it just happens to be our ninth monthiversary. In light of this occasion, I wanted to take the time to finally clear everything up. For those of you dying to know how we got together, now's your chance to find out.

Not many people know this, but we met a long time ago. Almost 10 years ago, we met at my Tita Sisi's birthday party. Kay was her classmate during high school. So that makes her 1 year older than me. Back then, I have to admit that I had a crush on her, but I was such a geek back then. After that, we only crossed paths twice during high school (during the Intrams in Don Bosco during my 3rd year, and during their graduation).

It wasn't until during my 2nd year of college that we met again. She still hung out with Tita Sisi, and they helped me out during my transition period. Every once in a while, we'd hang out during their breaks, usually in the foodcourt. There was one night that they brought me along to listen to a live band. Back then, Kay was still Manang Kay to me, but I still had a crush on her. However, that was as far as it went. My heart belonged to Tina while I was in college, and she had a boyfriend, Alex. So I was happy to have her as a friend, and didn't expect anything else.

She graduated a year ahead of me and went to Cebu, so we lost touch for a while. It wasn't until she came home a few months later that, out of the blue, we just came across each other and were able to exchange cellphone numbers. After that she went to Manila and we would keep in touch occasionally through SMS. Again, at the time, I still didn't have any feelings for her aside from friendship. We'd give each other advice and stuff.

While she was in Manila, she told me about her new boyfriend. The were a several times that I was able to call her and she'd be crying on the other end. Cactus that I am (JR's term for me because I listen and listen and listen to whatever problems he might have), I'd listen to her and try to give advice. But it was usually Kay who'd do the talking, telling me that it's been so long since he'd contact her, visit her, etc. I won't go into the details. Point is, I did my best to be there for her and comfort her. It was through this that I felt we became alot closer.

Then she applied to Smart and was able to get herself assigned back here at home in Bacolod. We'd still talk once in a while, usually about her boyfriend or me looking for a new phone at Smart.

It was in mid-2003 that I broke up with Tina. Later in the year, Kay and I were talking (yes, about her boyfriend again), but she was kinda busy with work. So I asked her if she'd wanna watch a movie or something later, then we could continue our talk later. So we watched a movie, just the two of us. Sometime in November, Tina found out about it and went on a warpath. Anyway, it was really shitty timing that Kay was in the hospital at that time, suffering from a bad ulcer. So Kay got pissed at both me and Tina. We lost touch for several months because of that incident.

Fast forward to August, 2005. We met after she watched the SouthBorder concert. I guess she decided to forget what happened. It felt weird at first, but we returned to friend-cactus status. There was that one lunch we had together in KFC, as usual we went back to talking about her boyfriend and the fact that he was AWOL again.

In November, when Tita Sisi and Tita Faith came home, I joined them for dinner in Imay's. For some reason I found myself really attracted to Kay, I couldn't understand it. The whole night I couldn't keep my eyes off her. Later on we were in MO2 and we were pretty much the only people in the area (we went out on a weeknight). I managed to get myself pretty wasted that night and had to get home. I made it to my bed and fell asleep, but not before sending Kay a text that let her know how I felt. Kay was surprised, and the next morning I did quite a bit of apologizing, but our flirting didn't stop there. She went to Boracay with my Titas for a few days and we were still texting.

On the Friday of that same week, it was the birthday of Tita Faith. I picked her up at the mall then we went to the resort where the party was being held. After dinner we went off alone to one of the pools away from the party to talk. This was the first time we talked face to face since the night in MO2. At first, we talked about her boyfriend again, but then it drifted off to other topics. Later on, I worked up the nerve to let her know how I felt. By the next morning, much to the surprise of my Titas, Kay was my girlfriend.

Anyway, this is just how it started. There's alot more to tell, but that can wait for another post. Love you, Kay!

Unexpected plot twists... part three

2005-08-19T03:30:00.000+08:00

Let's try to fast forward this story and get things closer to present day. Back in October, it was Masskara/Oktoberfest season in Bacolod. Zafiro was able to come home to Bacolod where we convinced him to come back for good to join the company, but he had to go back to Cebu to take care of things before that. I also met up with Kay for lunch one time, nothing special. We just ate at KFC and talked mostly about her boyfriend, which was pretty much what we did whenever we talked.

End of October, JR finally came home for sem break from Law School. This meant one thing. Party party party! I don't remember getting wasted so often in such short intervals as when JR is around. He is the Van Wilder of Bacolod (does that make me Taj?). Party mode extended until late November. It was just what I needed to keep me from going nuts in the studio. Flozard, our photographer, already quit because we managed to fuck up the LCC account. It was supposed to be good to go, but still slipped out of our hands. I wonder why?

Early November, Tita Faith and Tita Sisi came home for vacation with her boyfriend Owen. The last time we were together was back during my vacation in 2003, so it was really great to be able to spend time with them again. It was during this time that Kay and I became a couple, it all happened so fast... but that's another story for another post. It's coming soon! Promise!

In January, I went with Kay to Manila. She had training up in Smart Tower and I was roaming around Makati meeting up with friends. We had an EB for the pROSins boards and I met up with Maan, Dein, Sam, Doranne and JR. It was such a relief to be away from the office. The two of us also went out drinking with JR and my cousin Tan². It seems I overdid the whole walking thing in Makati because my feet totally got blistered and ended up getting infected when I got back home. This kept me stuck at home for more than a week. It was horrible, I could barely even walk and felt like crap. But thankfully, it got better after that.

Fast forward to April, Tita Ting and Tita Bing came home for mom and dad's 25th Wedding Anniversary. I was so happy on that day because Kay was there by my side to celebrate it with us.

A few weeks later, I finally decided that enough was enough. I quit from the studio, packed my gear and left. Zaffy felt the same, so we both split. That marked the start the newest chapter of my life. It was at that point that I decided to go back to school and take up Architecture. So now here I am in LCC Bacolod, the top architecture school in the Philippines. My rusty brain is taking a beating, but I'm giving it my best. I have all the inspiration I need. You know who you are. *wink*

Can't sleep...

2005-08-19T03:09:00.000+08:00

Crap, it's almost 3 in the morning and my eyes just won't stay shut. Lots of stuff on my mind. There should have been around 3 posts before this one, but it's been such a pain in the ass trying to post in friendster blogs lately. Let's see how much will trickle out of my head right now.

Hale's caught my attention lately. Their music really hits you hard if you're a hopeless romantic ninja (lol) like me. Sometimes their lyrics hit a little to close to home. I was singing along to Broken Sonnet and I just couldn't help but get all teary. Here are the lyrics:

Broken Sonnet
Hale

And now I concede
On the night of this fifteenth song
Of melancholy, of melancholy
And now I will admit in this fourth line
That I love you, that I love you.

I don’t care what they say
I don’t care what they do
‘cause tonight I’ll leave my fears behind
‘cause tonight I’ll be right at your side.

Lie down right next to me
Lie down right next to me
And I will never let go
Will never let go.

The clock on the tv says 8:39 pm
It’s the same, it’s the same
And in this next line
I’ll say it all over again
That I love you, that I love you.

I don’t care what they say
I don’t care what they do
‘cause tonight I’ll leave my fears behind
‘cause tonight I’ll be right at your side.

Lie down right next to me
Lie down right next to me
And I will never let go
Will never let go.

I’ll leave my fears behind
‘cause tonight I’ll be right at your side.

Lie down right next to me
Lie down right next to me
And I will never let go
Will never let go.

But still I see the tears from your eyes
Maybe I’m just not the one for you.

Friendster Blogs Fragged

2005-08-14T18:33:00.000+08:00

What the hell was up with the Friendster Blogs the past few days? I couldn't get in to post. Boo hoo hoo.

Anyway, lets get back on track. Expect a post either tonight or tomorrow morning. Weee!

edit July 15, 2005 11:52 PM:
Hmm... it seems that IE is the culprit. I'm currently using Opera to post to my blog, but it's really awkward. Dayum.

Just a quick update...

2005-08-07T14:01:00.000+08:00

Sorry about that full blown rant last week, it was just an experiment on releasing some tension. It's been building up lately. But don't worry, that doesn't happen too often. I complain alot, but actually getting pissed off and scream and shit is rare.

Anyway, I've been moving my posts from my friendster blog to my this blog, which will be my main blog. Friendster's free blog is ok, but comes up short in my list of criteria. My friendster blog will get the posts first then they'll be copied to the blogspot blog. This way, my friendsters will get notifications whenever my blog is updated. At the same time, my non-friendster friends can comment on my blogspot blog. The blogspot blog has alot more free features and will is much more customizable, so if time permits, it'll get a nice facelift in the future.

What else... Right now I'm posting from the house in Victorias. I spent the weekend here because yesterday was my cousin MM's birthday, at the same time we combined it with the celebration of Lolo's death anniversary. It was a crazy night last night, it would be a safe to assume that everyone had a great time, especially my cousins. Today they'll all be going home to California. *sad*

MR. T rocks the mic

2005-08-03T22:27:00.000+08:00

http://orange32.com/mother/

How to piss off a nice guy...

2005-08-03T01:48:00.000+08:00

Kids, you might wanna skip this post, it's gonna get really ugly.

Yeah, I consider myself to be a pretty nice guy. I try my best to always be understanding and patient with other people. And it's important to me to try to keep a clear conscience, so I lay off the dumb shit. Do you agree with that?

No matter how questionable his/her character is, you can usually expect me to invest alot of trust into everyone. That's just how I am, I believe everyone deserves a chance to prove themselves. Isn't that nice of me?

Now, most of the time, there are no problems with that, people are usually nice and all. However, there are just some people out there who are just plain evil. Alot of times it's obvious and I just end up avoiding them. Sometimes there are those people who can't really help but be kinda bad, but try to be good. For those people, it's no biggie, I forgive people pretty easily. No point in holding grudges over little things.

Then there are those people that really make my blood boil. Plastic, two-faced, fake-ass, back-stabbing, mother fuckers who lie under the radar and bleed you dry right under your nose. They pretend to be your friend but might as well be your worst enemy. These dipshits are the fucking scum of the Earth. Well they can take all that sugar-coated bullshit they try to feed me and shove it up their asses.

For those who got hit by a bullseye (there are quite a few of you out there)...You think I don't know all that shit you do behind my back? FUCK YOU. I'm not an idiot! I'd find out sooner or later, believe me. So see this finger here? Yup, the bad finger... It's saluting all of you who think you're getting the better of me.

I'm not really into revenge, but I do believe in karma. I'm not gonna do anything to you. It's all gonna come back to you on it's own. As an added bonus, I'll be praying for you as your soul continues its downward spiral to frying in the depths of hell. See? I'm still a nice guy.

Love and Trust

2005-07-28T11:49:00.000+08:00

I was just reading JM's blog and read his post about the advice given from some call-in radio love advice show. Just wanted to share my own comments about this. It's kinda weird just last night, I just had a talk with Kay about trust, among other things.

To me, trust is crucial in any relationship. Love and trust go hand in hand. A relationship wouldn't work out if either partner doesn't trust the other. If you really love each other, what's there to worry about anyway?

I'm not saying that there should be a blind and absolute faith in your partner, sometimes a little jealousy (like what JM said) is healthy and shows that you're also worried about losing your partner. Never getting jealous at all kinda gives the impression that you don't give a shit.

Blindly believing hearsay, excessively checking your partner's cellphone, hacking their e-mail account, spying on them... that's kinda fucked up. Some of my friends have been in relationships like that, it ain't pretty.

In my own experience, it's healthy to always be open to your partner. Open in the sense that you're receptive and understanding. Also in the sense that you can always talk to them as well. Communication is very important in building up trust.

With Kay, it's such a blessing that we're both very open with each other about everything. That's one of the things that I love about her.

Ok ok ok, I'll stop myself before I get too mushy. This post has already taken enough time as it is, now I'm gonna be late for class! Gotta run!

Bottom line, folks:
Trust, good. Paranoia and plain out shadiness, bad.

Floods = Bad...

2005-07-26T23:50:00.000+08:00

What a shitty day.

I just got home.

It's 11:30 pm.

The rain was pouring the whole day (and continues to pour as I type this post). It took me almost 2 and a half hours to commute home today. This is from Robinson's Place in Mandalagan to Sum-ag, which usually only takes me around 30-40 minutes.

Things started out normal enough, except for the excessive rain. Then halfway there, at Dunkin' Donuts, Araneta, I was surprised to see a large number of people waiting at the jeepney stop. For some reason, there were no jeepneys passing by from the next route (the route I needed to take). After about 30 minutes, only around 3 jeeps passed, but I couldn't get on because people were rushing to get on and I didn't want to get crushed.

Thoroughly pissed off and sick of waiting, I decided to take a jeep with a similar route, then take a taxi from a more convenient location (read: closer, therfore cheaper). This would solve two problems: One, having to stuff myself in a jeepney with other wet, tired people... And two, having to walk in the rain from the corner of my stop up to the house.

It was only when I got off the other jeep that I found out why there were hardly any jeeps from my route. There was a 2-3 foot deep flood along a 60 foot stretch of road. I watched as other cars tried to pass by. Some were successful, while others got their engines flooded and had to be towed out. After 3 taxis refused to go in that direction, I asked the next one if we could take a route around the flooded area. So much for being cheaper.

Well, a long taxi ride later, I finally got home. Stupid floods.

Love-struck Ninja

2005-07-22T21:35:00.000+08:00

Darn, things have been really hectic with school lately, the rest of the time was spent as a lifeless heap on my bed. Haven't had much time to post. Well, here I am again, I have the whole night to gather my thoughts and put them into words.

After spending most of the week coughing my guts out and grabbing for tissue to stop my running nose, I'm starting to feel closer to my usual level of health. I'm not gonna say healthy, because Lord knows how messed up my system is. Actually, starting Wednesday, things were pretty much back to normal, just being slightly bothered with an annoying dry cough and sniffles up until now.

As posted earlier, Wednesday was our 8th month anniversary. It started out normal enough, I had class at 8 in the morning. Then around 9, I passed by the flower vendors near school to buy a single, white rose and went straight to Kay's house. She just got out of bed when I arrived and gave her the rose. Then she took a bath and got ready for work, after which, we headed to Robinson's to her office.

After my 1 o'clock class, we met up again later for lunch at Sbarro, then had dessert at Shakey's, where we sat and talked for a while before Kay had to run back to work. At that point, I didn't have anything to do until she got off work at 8, so I decided to take a much needed rest back at home.

Later that night we had dinner at one of our favorite restaurants, Imbiss. I really recommend anyone from Bacolod or just in town visiting to take the time to try and eat there. Yummy! But my favorite parts of the whole day were the times we would just sit and talk. That's what we did after dinner. Sigh, me so happy!

Last night, we had an extension to our monthiversary. We had dinner here at the house then watched Harold and Kumar go to White Castle (trip!) while munching on chips and salsa.

Luv yah, Kay! Muah!